The Inspector...

Ok, I admit, I went thru her things..Who? My maid, lah, who else..Ok, and it was Raya Haji day..eh, but I had no choice ok...

Anyway, we all went to my mom's - it being raya morning and all and we happened to leave her there since we had places I needed to go to. So later in the day it just became convenient to go thru her things. And what did I find? Actually, not very much. I found the book that mentioned she bought a handphone tapi majikan tak tahu, and other stuff but nothing fatal lah. My final analysis, she was the jilted lover...I found many sappy love notes and heartbreaking longings....yada yada yada...

..and it is obvious she prefers the house to be all quiet I guess becos right after raya haji my two older boys were away for several days and my maid was 'good'. No sign of not wanting to work at all..!

So, now what? From what I understand she had told my mom's maid that she wants to go back, but to us she has not said a thing since our chat the other nite. So I will broach the topic again soon. Will blog some more when that happens. Meanwhile I am still wondering, where does she keep that handphone...............

Maid to Last ......NOT

Those who know me will know that I have not had very many domestic maids. Reason being I had one who was with us for a long time. Nikka was with us for more than 8 years so I only had one, another Filipino for 2 years before her and maybe another one or two temporary ones in between and along the way.

I did not have many problems with one maid who left last year..my first real Indonesian helper. She was slow in the beginning but she picked things up very fast. With the exception of her very very deep voice, I found her to be totally acceptable and was sorry to see her leave after her 2 yr contract ended.

Then came my latest…good lord, as I write this I suddenly had a thought – am I actually writing an entry that revolves around her…???! Well, yes, looks like that’s exactly what I’m about to do. Hey, isn’t a blog supposed to be cathartic…

She is slow…let me tell you she has been slow ever since she arrived 9 months ago. The odd (or rather infuriating) thing is this – I noticed that she can be quite efficient, yes, you got it – only when she chooses to be so. She hardly has any initiative but never mind all that. She is quite a bit of a Ms Defensive – “taaak, ibu tak beli cheese. Iya, Ani udah check la..” And voila, the cheese is there in the fridge but hey, she will still defend herself.

This week though she has been really - really testing my patience. In the last week –

i. she insisted her bibik wants to come to our house to snap a picture of her – to send back to Indon
ii. my son found a book where she wrote she bought a handphone tapi majikan tak tau
iii. she told my sister’s maid that her boyfriend back home is pressuring her to return to Indonesia
iv. she also told the other maid that she cant stand my two older sons so she wants to leave

So last nite we confronted her.

i. She literally begged that we allow this bibik to come and we said NO.
ii. She told on the boys (weekdays are meant to be PS free) but the boys main ps tadiii
ii. She said her father never really agreed to allow her to come here to work in the first place – DUH…

No mention of boyfriend, no admission of owning a handphone but she did say she has a phone card and borrows the handphone of our neighbor’s maid, which she had told me some time ago.

I have had enough so we said please decide if you want to work - otherwise, feel free to leave. But since she will be in breach of her contract should she decide to leave, she will leave empty handed. She did not seem to mind. My dad’s theory - the bibik may be somebody who’s got some contact that can offer her a new job – thus the need for the picture.

She said she would inform us of her decision this morning but she did not. Hubby said, what if she changes her mind, maybe she wants to stay…Oh please, I would rather have her leave….

Slowly slow

Recently I found this wonderful CD titled Allah Knows. Ever since Haqim was hooked on I Look, I See, I had always tried to find something similar to Yusuf Islam's CD. Which basically means an Islamic English musical CD that would appeal to children.

And I found it - in Allah Knows. Zain Bhika is just brilliant and his songs are simply awesome! They tackle issues more complex than those in I Look, I See and appeals to youths as well. It's a shame not many people know of him and his songs. His songs deal with greed, drugs, being a Muslim today and many others.

Try google the man, he is a South African who really does make beautiful music. And the vocals are also fantastic!

Everyone has his own favorites now but one that has a special place in my heart is Slowly Slow.

You see, I have a rather complicated realtionship with my first born. I love him no doubt, but perhaps the fact that he is at that 'difficult' age makes things somewhat sticky between him and us sometimes. He gets his foot in his mouth a lot, and he hardly stops to think of the consequence of the things he says and does - May well be what a 14 year old kid does by nature...But I do worry about him so. I worry that he may make rash decisions in life and I worry that he doesn't know that I love him.

Anyhow, I found this song to be perfect. I made him listen to it, with the beautiful lyrics in his hand.

To Shaf, you'll always be the coolness in my eyes...and I love you, more than you'll ever know....

Slowly Slow

Slowly slow my child
The world waits for you
And your window of time
Will come shining through
Slowly slow, don’t rush you know
It’ll all come easy

There’s some things you can’t take back
No regrets for what you wanna get
Needs some thinking down the line
Slowly slow my darling I’m here for you
And every stumble, every fall
Breaks my heart in two
I only want the best for you
And every step makes up the mile
Even though it takes a while
And God will always smile on you my child

Chorus:
So have faith, have faith
Just like the bird who feels the sun
And sings before the dawn has come
Have faith, have faith

Slowly slow my boy
I see you’re strong
And everybody wants to find
A place where they belong
But don’t you find yourself someday
In a cold and dark and lonely place
And you wonder how you got there
I know it gets clouded in your mind
And you wanna move faster
It seems that you’re running out of time
But I love you
Together we’ll get through
Don’t you know

Slowly slow Slowly slow my son
You wanna be a man
And I guess those days are gone
When I used hold your hand
Cause this is the age of winks and smiles
And butterflies deep inside
But you’ll always be the coolness of my eyes

Chorus
Slowly slow my child
The world waits for you
And your window of time
Will come shining through
Slowly slow, don’t rush you know
It’ll all come easy

BM, English, BM, English

I would like to comment on the current issue brought up by the good Senator with regards to switching back to Bahasa Malaysia for the subjects of Math and Science in schools.

I disagree that we switch back to Bahasa. As a parent I feel our children are constantly at the losing end. In the long run they do not benefit if we keep changing policies at the whim and fancy of some politician.

Some say we should agree with the Senator’s suggestion quoting that the Japanese and Korean “masih boleh hebat di kacamata dunia walaupun kekal dengan bahasa ibunda masing masing”. All I can say is this - masaalah nya bangsa malaysia tak sama dengan Bangsa Jepun.

The sad fact is the Malaysian mentality – more specifically the Malay mentality is nothing like the Japanese or the Koreans. In general we lack that drive to succeed and that burning passion to reach for the stars. The sooner we are able to admit to that, the quicker we can all truly move forward.

The generation of my parents all studied in English, at a time when they had no tv, much less Astro. They had little access to English books without any large bookstores around other than what they had at the school libraries. Their means of speaking English were generally confined to within school hours where they interacted with their teachers. Now, have they all turned out forgetting how to speak Bahasa Malaysia or God forbid become totally westernized and forgotten their roots? I don’t think so.

If anything, when our children enter universities, local or abroad, they will not be intimated when they suddenly find themselves with learning materials that will be in the English language,. The fact is they will be able to communicate with ease when they join the workforce because when you begin life as a working adult English is widely spoken, whether we like it or not.

One does not abandon one’s culture that easily. We are all proud to be Malaysians – studying Math and Science in English is not going to make these kids any less Malaysians…dear Dato’. We have much bigger issues to fret over, let’s put that energy to better use. Finding capable teachers would be a good start.

A rose by any other name....

With barely 2 days to go before Aidilfitri, there is plenty of reason to explain the festive mood in the air. At the same time, the entire nation was also consumed with the excitement of the first Malaysian in space. And call him whatever you wish, astronaut, research cosmonaut, space flight participant, Dr Sheikh is still every bit a national hero by now. Young girls, and not so young ones like me have swooned over him for so many months now and when the official announcement was made it was no longer a surprise. After all, most people understood the deal from the beginning, that he was the primary candidate.

Having said that, from the documentaries aired on Ch 588 that featured both of them, I feel Capt Faiz is just as ready and exuded just as much confidence.

Last nite, like hundreds and thousands of Malaysians from all over, we watched the lift-off with much anticipation. I cannot even begin to imagine the thoughts that were running through his parents’ mind at the exact same moment. I am just one out of a million watching and It was nerve wrecking, to say the least. The Challenger disaster occurred when I was in my late teens and although I was not in front of the tv to watch it happen, like many others I remember it well. And as I watched the Soyuz last nite I could not help but feel anxious. Thankfully the space shuttle lifted off into orbit without a glitch as we all witnessed a great moment in history….and made me very proud to be Malaysian.

Our 6 yo was the one who was the most excited. He had been bringing newspaper clippings of the launch to school and was thoroughly excited when watching the space launch last nite. He was glued to the tv from the beginning of the KLCC event and stood up at the star for Negaraku (but of course…) and held his hands up during the doa. He pestered his dad to also perform the solat hajat and was very serious when he said his prayers, “Ya Allah, pls make sure Dr Sheikh Muzaphar is safe..” I could hardly believe my ears, my precious was so into it..! At countdown to liftoff he was really really excited!

We were not entirely surprised by his enthusiasm because after all he had always been fascinated with space and planets. Even a couple years ago, as a 4 plus year old he was able to name all 9 planets and could tell you which planet is the biggest, smallest, with rocks etc. Even I still can’t remember! You think I may have a budding astronaut? God knows. Frankly I would rather he have both feet firmly on the ground – literally..!

In the meantime, my hopes and wishes right now are for a safe mission for our good doctor. Deep inside I wonder what things will be like when my son looks back at this historic day decades from now. Maybe then NASA will no longer have any qualms on the term to be used for our Malaysian rep on space missions.

The Blame Game

Much has been said about the tragic death of innocent Nurin. Like many other Malaysians I too shed tears of anger and sadness over the incident and was overcome with emotion when watching the funeral last week.

Now there has been talk that Nurin’s parents may be charged with negligence over what has happened. Let me first admit that I was just as outraged when the news first broke over a month ago. It irked me that parents living not in some god forsaken town but rather right here in Kuala Lumpur could be as naïve as that – to allow a little girl venture out of the house alone, at night. I too had initially pointed my finger and frankly felt the parents were partly to be blamed.

Yes, our journey in life is fated but God tells us to use the intelligence he gave us. Religion teaches us that du’a alone is never going to cut it – no matter what the situation.

But after all that, the brutal truth is Nurin never made it home. Are her parents at fault? Perhaps. Should they have been less trusting of their world? Definitely. Should the authorities charge them for their lack of responsibility? Absolutely not.

No sane parent would want anything even remotely tragic to befall their children. Nurin’s parents were probably naïve, too trusting, and lived in a world that they felt were familiar and safe. Sure, the Child Protection Act may state that because Nurin’s parents contributed to her death, the authorities have every right to take action against them. But what purpose will that serve? Any parent of sound mind will never ever allow their kids to go out alone at nights anymore after the heart wrenching death of Nurin Jazlin. That fear is what will leave the impact on other parents. The gruesome image of little Nurin is what will stop parents from being too trusting or too naive after this. Not the possibility of being charged for negligence in the court of law.

If they are to be charged, what lies in store for their other daughters at home? Will the authorities make the effort to provide counseling or some form of psychological support for the children? I doubt it.

Nurin’s parents were guilty of only one thing – of believing that a habitual routine in a familiar environment was alright. It is terribly unfortunate that they had to learn what many of us have long believed. That the fact is it is not a safe world anymore out there, certainly not in KL. Not for anyone..and certainly not for a small child. Now who’s to be blamed for that sad reality?

The Return of CapeBoy

Remember CapeBoy – that lovely little brat whom I found to be terribly annoying and distracting at last year’s tarawikh prayers…? Well, guess what..he’s back..! I could hardly believe my eyes (ears, rather) when I noticed him 2 nights ago. And he’s got the same PJs with the same flowing red cape..! (actually he’s grown taller, so this must be a new pair…..) And he’s as wild as before..! No..actually he’s even wilder!!

He had a new friend that nite and together they were literally partying the night away behind the rows of muslimah in the dewan solat. I was late so I was in the last row and somewhere in between the prayers I couldn’t’ take it any longer so I tried to get their attention but of course they were totally oblivious.

Yes, where the heck is the mother..? Soon I spotted the same maid, the one whom I had noticed last year and was taken for a horsey. The one on whom CapeBoy had merrily climbed when she was in the middle of prayers. Well, she has progressed…! Progressed to praying further up, which means she was not in that last row so she could keep her eyes on her charge routine.

The boys were running around, playing catch (ok, lepas ni awak jadi ye, lepas tu saya jadi..) yes, I heard all of this ok – God help me..

There was also another boy who was not as noisy but was also running about. I noticed his mother was praying in the same row I was and so I glared and said aloud “bising nya” but she just gave a blank look and smiled at her son whenever he came near her. Can you believe the nerve of some people??

After terawikh was over I waited to try catch sight of CapeBoy’s mother but no such luck. I went out of the hall and as I was about to leave, I saw CapeBoy and his new sidekick near the food table fooling around. I turned, gave my best I-mean-business glare and told them, “adik – awak berdua bising sangat tau. Orang sembahyang, tak baik bising” The maid gave me a funy look – hmmph, like I care.

The following night, CapeBoy was dressed as black spidey. No change in behavior. This time one lady in the front row, probably ajk masjid kut, got up before tarawikh, clapped her hands to get attention and loudly asked, “ anak sapa ni, tolong control anak sikit, control sikit..” I swear I was trying hard to hide a gleeful smirk on my face.

Later that night as I was leaving I saw him climbing the banisters at the stairs of the main entrance. I realized his maid and elder sister were there…as mere spectators. So I couldn’t resist giving them a piece of my mind. Also quite a colorful character – the sister. She talks to the brother in such a condescending way, very kasar. Maid was just looking, doing absolutely nothing while this boy kept climbing the banister of tangga masjid. They later walked to the parking, still no mother in sight… I then wondered what kind of home they were going back to…Smallville….?? Or was it Gotham City…

Here Comes Ramadhan again

Alhamdulillah we are all still here to enjoy yet another Ramadhan. And so began our regular drive to the neighborhood mosque for tarawikh last night. I have no problems with parents who wish to bring their children for tarawikh, nak menjinakkan anak-anak dengan masjid, yes, by all means.

But that only applies if the children can behave. And by that I think most jemaah are only just expecting the kids to be relatively quiet. Absolute silence is not what is expected, just no running around, no crying, no yelling. Fair enough right?

Last night, just after Isyak, a woman garbed in full jubah walked in with two boys aged around 4 and 5 years old respectively. The woman was also noticeably pregnant too. Her boys were in baju melayu complete with kopiah, and funnily enough I noticed the woolen skull caps bore the words Anak Soleh.

Ok, yes, it is the first day of Ramadhan and I really should not be too critical etc etc.. But these kids, they were far from little angles ok. There were quite a number of children there, my 6 year old included. There were a few who were younger but these boisterous boys should have just stayed home. They were playful. They were loud. They were screaming at one another, crying at times. They were driving me crazy! And I was sure I wasn’t the only one feeling that way.

In between “sets” I tried to turn my gaze at the mother to give a nice glare but I was not seated close enough. Those who were, moved farther away from them.

What puzzles me is where is the father…hello….??

I guess the mother finally came to her senses, and finally left before the 8 rakaat were over. I simply fail to understand why some parents can’t use their own good judgment. Should you not know your own kids, if they are the type of kids who can behave and who will listen when you tell them to ‘be quiet?

Frankly I feel lebih besar pahala if they stay away and tarawikh at home, rather than datang masjid and mengganggu jemaah lain. And all this just after the mukadimmah from the pengerusi masjid just minutes earlier about parents who bring their kids and end up causing a ruckus.

I wonder if I’ll see her and the kids again tonite. Honestly, I hope not.

NEGARAKU EYE OPENER

How often do you get a chance to stand up straight in respect of the national anthem? If you’re no longer a school going kid, and just a regular adult like me - apart from the occasional theater presentations or football matches that I go to, not very often.

Last week, Malaysia celebrated her 50th Merdeka and due to the insistence of our 6 year old, we found ourselves outside the Merdeka stadium late that Friday evening. The stadium was full to its brim and there was no way anyone could enter by the time we arrived. My husband though, decided to just hang around outside the stadium entrance for a few minutes just to breathe in the ambience.

People were all around us. There were hundreds of event participants who were slowly filing into the stadium, police officers who were on a break from their duties of escorting traffic and VIPs, tourists who had probably come to check what the fuss was all about and many others like us who could not get access into the stadium. We were all chatting amongst ourselves and most of the folks were indulging in people watching.

Before long we could hear the unmistakable voice of Mahadzir Lokman announcing from inside the stadium that it was time for Negaraku. Our son got to his feet immediately and we followed suit. At the time I noticed that people continued to do whatever it was that they were doing but only for a moment. In the blink of an eye I found that everyone actually stopped – dead in their tracks! It was an unbelievable sight!! They were all standing up straight - no matter where they had been sitting around, standing or walking about; they were all on their feet, hands by their sides.

These were people just loitering outside the stadium where the real action was and who were busy talking or walking around just moments earlier. But when the national anthem reverberated from within the stadium, everyone went quiet and knew exactly what to do. That seriously gave me goose bumps…! And frankly, I found it to be a rather emotional scene.

Not long after, we were on a joy ride on the monorail when our 6 year old suddenly started singing softly to himself, “Malaysiaku gemilang, merdekanya terbilang….” and soon nearly the entire front section which was mostly made up of young college going kids began to sing along and together they finished the entire song. That totally spontaneous scene was a truly perfect Petronas ad moment!!

I am ashamed to admit that I was probably a skeptic before, and uncertain of the depth of our nationalism. That night I saw the merdeka spirit alive and well. Perhaps there is hope for the country after all.

Muzikal PUTRA

It’s been a long while since my last entry. A few things happened along the way, none which I care to elaborate on. Suffice to say the mood to write was not a frequent occasion these last few weeks. Anyway, today I wish to share my most recent theatre experience, the Putra musical.

The last time I was IB, it was to watch the now legendary PGL, that big budget, big everything production. This time around, it was a show which was obviously a subsided affair because tickets at IB are rarely ever priced at a flat rate of RM10.

As far as Merdeka goes, and if you were to ask ask what it means to me, I can only say this – now, after nearly 40 years of living, I can finally say it has deep significance. Sad isn’t it..taht it took me so long. Frankly, all those years growing up it never really meant much more than a public holiday where I sleep in, and later watch our Assuntarian school band on tv. Then as I had kids, it was something I still prefer to watch on tv until some years ago when hubby dearest decided it could be fun to go watch the fireworks and later the merdeka parade. Recently since the parade moved to a much expansive area like Putrajaya and having one of my best friends as part of a contingent, we braved rain or shine and joined in the crowd. And that I must say was the first time it hit me, this thing is BIG. And for the first time ever, I had goosebumps as I sang the national anthem with thousands of other Malaysians.

Then several nights ago, I went to watch the Putra musical. And apparently so did hundreds of young Malaysians. And that was definitely a scene that warms the heart. Although I have heard many of the tales that were weaved into the play that night but somehow, this time the patriotic bug hit me – hard. Seeing dad constantly wipe his tears as he was seated in front of me, I began to wonder if maybe, just maybe, those tears were not just the tears of a man who was sentimental and easily moved, but rather of a man who knew the pain, and recognized the pride.

I too was choked up with emotion, and so was hubby dearest. The scenes, they touched me somehow and the passion that was reverberating throughout then entire Panggung Sari was powerful beyond belief. I truly walked out of there with a whole new perspective, and a renewed sense of admiration, respect and gratitude like never before.

It was not difficult to see why my husband wanted to spend another evening to watch the play with our boys. And so we went again a couple nights ago and had a blast. This time it was the final show and the national sprit was alive and well. The crowd was wonderful and appreciative. And the mood was like no other. The mood was built up throughout the night, the emcee played his part tremendously well and the appreciative crowd sang every single patriotic song with all their hearts.

I suppose we have come a long way, and if Malaysia were a woman, she’d probably one who has seen much laughter and tears, pride and heartache. She must be proud of her children but at the same time worried about their future and at times uncertain of their sense of independence. Her smile may hide many years of hurt and disappointments and her mind may wonder where she had gone wrong with some of her younger ones.

Nonetheless, she must be one tough cookie..and raring to shoulder on, come what may.

Selamat Hari Merdeka…

Blood Diamond

One of the little perks I get from work is good discounts at various businesses that belong to the Group. This time though being in this industry got me several complimentary tickets to starlight cinema because of our connection with the main sponsor of the event.

I have never been to any of the starlight shows in previous years but due to the free passes and coupled with the fact that the venue this year is practically at my door step, I decided to give it a go.

Sadly the weather has not been too kind and it had been raining almost every evening since the event began. Yesterday I wanted to give it a shot. Mainly because I had read the rave reviews of Blood Diamond and really wanted to see the movie. Yes, yes, it's an old movie but I somehow missed it-lah.

And what can I tell you – it was one of the best movies I’ve seen. Ok, yea, so I went on and on about Pursuit of Happyness, I know, but this one’s different. Yes, both movies were among the nominees for best movie at this year’s Academy and both the lead actors were nominated for best actor and best supporting respectively.

Blood Diamond is a story based on the issue of conflict diamonds from Africa. It was such a powerful movie and gave a whole new meaning to the word sacrificing for your family. The movie also explored the issue of child soldiers in Africa which was totally horrifying to me! I am not a big fan of Leonardo but his acting was great as was the other actor who played Solomon Vandy.

We so enjoyed the movie that when it began to trickle, we hardly budged. In fact everyone stayed glued to the ground – literally – and just snapped their umbrellas open. The concept of open air movie was something new to me since the closest we ever came to that was watching at Kahala drive-in back during our student days in Aloha land. But last night, it was fun. Not the most comfortable movie experience but it was a good reason to just lepak. Lying down under the starless nite (mana ada stars in the skies if you live in KL..!), enjoying the gentle breeze..and munching on pringles.

And if any of you have not had a chance to watch the movie please go get the dvd..I promise you, it’ll move you to bits. It can be quite unsettling to watch that kind of violence especially when it involves children. But watch anyway..

A trip to Kuala Selangor

It’s been awhile since I last blogged. I believe I had an entry for the birthday do we had for my precious but I had problems loading the pictures then I cant remember what happened.

Anyway, it was the school holidays recently and since our plans to go up north to Ipoh and Penang got cancelled, we decided to join a trip to Kuala Selangor instead. And I must say we went with very little expectations but came away from that trip totally awed!

The place is steep in in history and we had fun at the museums. We saw everything from an old Japanese bicycle, read on the lineage of the Sultanate and even visited a torture well. We also never saw as many monkeys coming at us ever before, they are certainly much friendlier than he ones at Botanical Garden. De Palma where we stayed also had loads of fun for us..although I shall not dwell on what happend to me that nite...errr...that part a bit eerie laaa....

Seafood was wonderful and cheap but of course the highlight of the trip was the fireflies. (well, the seafood comes in at a close second..ha ha...)

The berembang trees that lined the river were truly amazing, and it was completely humbling to see God's creation..trees and tress all lighted up like it was Christmas. Truthfully, it kinda freaked me out that we were actually on the boat, on the river in the dark of the night (but with lifejackets of course) but the excitement just blew me away. The night was full of stars that night and made my preious break out in Josh Groban's Starry starry nite. I honestly cannot remember the last time I saw a nite so full of stars...it was simply gorgeous...!! Who can see a starry nite living in KL, tell me?

Our program with the rest of the group ( asthmatic kids mostly) went well too and everyone had loads of fun that 2 whole days.

For those who have never had a chance to visit Kuala Selangor, you should! Did you all know that fireflies have a life span of only 2-3 months? And that Kuala Selangor is the only one out of 2 places in the world where we can actually view fireflies that way? The other place is in the Amazon..deep in the jungle where you would need to track miles and miles..I bet you didnt know that right...

A Fond Farewell

It is with much sadness that I note the passing of Loga of Alleycats. I grew up on their songs, and if you plant me in front of a karaoke, I can croon to their hits all day. And today a chapter is closed. And to think that he is still relatively young, but has made such an impact on so many lives..it is truly quite amazing.

If one were to reflect, Alleycats colored our local music scene without any need for scandalous stories. No news on drugs, messy divorces or other sensational attention grabbing headlines. How many local singers and actors can you think of that have managed to avoid unnecessary media attention? Alleycats just played good music and did their thing. And although they were not one of those stars who hogged the limelight all the time, I doubt they ever lost their fans.

As my husband aptly puts it – talk about national integration! Alleycats helped Malaysians achieve that with such ease…folks from all walks of life, irrespective of race and creed, hundreds of thousands loved their music, throughout the thirty over decades that the band has been around. Their gigs at PJ Hilton is something I remember well, being a PJ girl I used to go watch them play.

When I read what his mother had said; that she was not even in this much pain when her husband died several years ago - that was sad. Her husband had died of old age but to have this son of hers leave the family at this juncture of his life was a lot more painful for her. No parent should have to go through the trauma of burying a chlld, and although he’s a grown man of 54, I suppose his mother felt that tremendous pain.

An era has ended, Alleycats is never gonna be quite the same again. One Afro haired guy will be sorely missed.. He has indeed “pergi dulu” and he really has wished us all “ selamat tinggal, aku mengundurkan diri…”

A tough one....

As we were settling down at bedtime, he suddenly said, “I need to tell you something..” . Sure, I said.

He continued, “I don’t want to die” and although stunned I replied, everything and everyone dies, sweetie, but it’s ok.

Then he asked, “mom, what happens after we die?”

Phew, a tough one so I gave dad a slight nudge to signal “help me out here dear”.

Well, if we’ve been good and have done what Allah tells us to do then we get to see Allah and go to paradise, dad responded.

“What’s paradise?”, he asked. It’s a really cool place, his dad replied, where you can do whatever you want and ask for anything. What would you like to ask for? I asked

“Can I go on train rides?” Of course I said. You can even watch Playhouse Disney Channel all day long if you want. It’s a real magical place, we say.

“But mom”, he said, and with tears rolling down his cheeks, “will we see each other and be together again??”..Oh baby, I said and squeezed him real tight, of course we will…insyallah..

Next morning, he asks, “In paradise, can I be my own boss?” Sure, said daddy. “oh wow, then I can’t wait to get to paradise..!” (you see, sometimes he laments that we boss him around)

So there, the quizzical scenarios we get into with our son who turns 6 tomorrow.

How would you have handled that one, I ask you…?

Happily Ever After

Three days ago, hubby and I celebrated 18 years of marital bliss – sometimes not-so-bliss. It’s been a long and interesting journey, certainly not always smooth, especially in the early years. At this point however, life is sweet and I feel truly blessed.

This afternoon I spent a long time talking to one of my best girlfriends. We’ve known each other since we were kids in primary school and when times are bad we try to be there for one another.

It’s been tough for her, feeling the strain and missing that love. Nope, no third party or anything of the sort, just some rough times. And boy, I know that feeling all too well, that disappointment, the resentment and just plain “I don’t feel like I wanna be nice to you although I still love you” kinda feeling.

It’s tough and the irony is although you desperately want it to work, you also just don’t feel like working at it because of so much anger inside of you. In the end, you need to somehow learn to forgive, accept your partner "seadanya" and then find that inner calm. Only then can you begin to re-nurture that relationship and start rekindling whatever that’s missing.

It’s never easy to get rid of all that anger because first you have to get rid of all expectations. I guess we need to appreciate that time changes a person and we have probably changed as well. It’s just always easier to see our partner as the one who has changed. And when these men in our lives do not live up to our expectations and we the do not end up having that castle we once dreamed of, then marriage kills the romance that was once a part of the courtship in the early years.

Yes, I had dreams dashed too, I expected more and the feeling of “how come I got the losing end of this deal and you got the better bargain out of this relationship” can sometimes cause you more heartache and inevitably shatters those expectations again and again. Maybe some of us od’d on romance novels - we all thought we were going to meet a guy, fall madly in love, be swept off our feet and live happily ever after. Aaah, that is soo not real, now we know better huh?. Hey, I thought I was going to be the wife of a rich successful doctor..look how that turned out. Would I have been happier? I don’t know - maybe I would in some ways. I would probably be able to afford a nice house, drive a cool car and get to spend his money – ha ha…! But then again, those are really material wealth aren't they..

Everyone tells you marriage is not about keeping score, but rather about doing little things that make the other’s lives happier and easier but at times when your love tank is running low, it’s not easy to remember things like these. I suppose some of us just have to rough it out and accept that even in the bleakest of times, there are lessons to be learned and love can prevail if we try to forgive and accept that happily ever after is truly over rated.

But am I happy now? Oh, you bet I am…

The king and his drawbridge

The king’s installation was last week. (I wrote this earlier, remember...) This is not an event I would normally get fascinated with and never actually bothered to watch on tv but this time I decided to check it out. Nope, I am not from Trengganu although I love the Majesty’s home state but I had other reasons. His younger brother is a good friend so there is this distant sense of “connection” laa.

Hubby and I knew the brother when we were students in the States and we have remained friends up to this day. The day we found out who he is, then a son of a sultan, is still fresh in my memory. A common friend who knew his background made me ask him what his father does and so I did, and he answered, “ he’s in business”. Yea, right..

He was, and still is, completely un-assuming and very down to earth. Not at all pretentious. Most times he is totally oblivious about his regal background. The older brother, now Your Majesty, appears to be similar. The write ups about him coming in to work at 9 at the Istana, wanting to do away with late nights so people can go back to their families, still eager to be a “regular guy” and participate in his favourite sports, are all traits of his siblings. Similar to that friend of ours, the few of his siblings that I had the pleasure of meeting all appear to share those qualities, very simple and never intimidating.

Actually, from what I hear from my bil who because of his line of work had to take care of the Brunei loyalty whilst they were in town for the installation, the Malaysian who planted herself in the midst of all that Bruneian pageantry appears to be waited on hand and foot and comes across as larger than life, unlike our new King and Queen who seem regal and stately without being ostentatious.

Anyhow, given that scenario, we decided to follow the installation this time around. The next day, with all the buntings along the roads, my precious asked me, “Mom, where does the King live?” In a palace, I said. “Oh boy, does the palace have a drawbridge??” Nope sweetie, there is no drawbridge. “How bout knights mom?” Nope, no knights either. “Dragons?” No, no dragons..

Hah, such is the imagination of my child..that a king lives in this palatial mansion, secured by knights and dragons and surrounded by a body of water with a moat in place..! Too much tv huh…?

In any case, it’s good to know that the King is not all about pomp and protocol. And oh my...I must say we have got one pretty Queen up on the throne yea?

I'm addicted

Ok it's confirmed..I am addicted to blogging...! I somehow "lost" my blog due to whatever technical reasons this past week..no, more loike since the Labor Day break..and I have been rendered restless since!!

I had so much to write and share but becos I cud't access my blog, I had to just put all that writing as drafts somewhere. I missed the fact that I cud not post my entries - soo much..

And now i've run out of time because I've just spent the last hour trying to retrieve my blog so looks like I can only write again another day..

But now I know for sure I'm addicted to this..without a doubt!

Are you satisfied..?

Did you all read that piece of news last week?

The report stated that although most Malaysians agree that sex is important, fewer than two in five (38%) of them are satisfied with their sex lives.

According to the latest Durex Sexual Wellbeing Global Survey 2007/08 report, loss of romance and sexual prowess are key factors for the lack of sexual satisfaction.

I pick a quote in the report, “Many Malaysians have lost the sense of adventure, interest and romance, which explains why they are not fully enjoying their sex lives. "

Me..? well, if you ask me, let's just say I am more then contented. Ask hubby, he may tell you something else..ha ha...

Truth is, I think it's important to pay some good attention to your love life in general. For some the spark is diminished after some years and it's hard to blame then. Things get tough, life gets mundane and problems can easily cloud your relationship so it's not easy to rekindle that loss of romance. (plus a kid who refuses to leave you room ain't gonna help..!)

Hubby and I will be celebrating 18 years of marriage this year. If I write off the first 6-7 years as being the rocky years when you begin to really get over the pains of being married, then that would still give me at least a good 10-11 years.. long time huh..?

How do we keep it alive? Laugh a lot and enjoy the silly and mindless things that can make you go crazy. Leave some room for your own life but never forget to flirt..everyday if you can..!

As for the sexual prowess part of the survey - ayaa..cannot comment so publicly laah...

The tiny emerald...

Ok, I gave it some thought already. So, Hawaii cannot be considered sidered an option since I did call the islands home for many years, I had to come up with something else. And seeing that I am inclined towards islands and the sea, it naturally had to be Bora Bora. When times were good I had the chance to indulge in one of my loved activities which was to travel. And travel we did so although I cannot claim to have traveled the world over, I have been to lots of places and seen many many panoramic picture perfect sceneries that shall remain etched in my memory for a lifetime.

So, when I had to think of a place for this ‘tagging’ thing that my sil got me involved in, I find myself going back to a place with crystal clear waters, white sandy beaches, far far away. Ok, ok, so yes, Redang is beautiful and people say Sipadan’s underwater is unrivalled but I had to pick Bora Bora because it has that added bonus of being exotic.

Seen from the air, Bora Bora has been compared to that of "a tiny emerald in a setting of turquoise, encircled by a sheltering necklace of sparkling pearls".Now, isn’t that just awesome..!

Ok, before I go on, let me share some facts and figures -

Official Name - Bora Bora, part of the Society Islands of French Polynesia, an overseas territory of France, originally claimed in 1843

Largest Town - Vaitape

Languages - French (official), Polynesian dialect

Official Currency - Comptoirs Francais du Pacifique franc

Religions - Protestant, Catholic, others

Population - 4,650

Land Area - 44 sq km (16.9 sq miles)

Bora Bora itself is rather small, and can be circled by car in about an hour.The lagoon is 3 times the size of the land mass and offers an amazing range of hues of blue and turquoise as you navigate its crystal waters.

Ooh la la.....I am geting visions in my head already...! But sorry, tak sempat get more pix la..

To the southeast of the island is the Coral Garden, a natural underwater park where all types of fish and corals are found.Off the Point Matira there is an area where the huge and graceful manta rays congregate for your viewing pleasure. There are other types of ray such as the beautiful spotted ray and the friendly gray ray which love to be petted during the "ray feeding" excursions.At the entrance of the pass, the "White valley" teems with gray sharks and barracudas in a never ending ballet.

So, who's coming with me..??

This thing called "tagging"

I have been tagged, so my sil tells me. Huh?? I saw that phrase quite awhile ago, I have been tagged by I can't remember who and I never did anything about it.

Now my dear sil tells me over the weekend she ahs tagged me. So now I am supposed to follow this through. Ok, seeing that she has asked about a place where I would most like to travel to, I ned to ask, does it have to be a place that I have never set foot on, or can it be a place I just want to travel to, irrespective of being a first time visitor or not..

Nothing comes to mind except the islands of Hawaii..seriously..I tried but nothing comes to mind. So I shall dream some more before I follow this through ok..

see, I can just see the waves, I can feel the sand and the breeze blowing in my face ...I can even hear the buses I used to take and the honking of the police along the streets... I can even have a visual walk-thru of the malls in my head...!!

aaah..I can literally smell the islands...will continue next time...

The Stork, the Stork

We got some bit of thrilling news yesterday. I’m getting a new niece or nephew…yeaaay…! A rather long awaited news, I was thrilled for my bro n family. Back home, while cuddling after our daily bedtime story with my precious, I shared the good news with him. This lil’ conversation took place : -

Mum : "Hey Haqim, guess what, you’re gonna get a new cousin u know..!"

Haqim: "Huh?"

Mum: "Airis and Jasmine are getting a new baby brother or baby sister..! isn’t that exciting?!"

Haqim : "yeaa…" (not totally amused)

Mum : " So, what do you think of that?"

Haqim : "Well, if it’s a boy, can Auntre Rin handle it?"

Mum: "What do you mean?" (totally bewildered at this point)

Haqim: " U know, Auntie Rin and Pakcik only have girls. They’ve never handled a boy before."

Mum: "Broke into fit laughter and TOTALLY amused..! Well, maybe you can help them out then."

Haqim: "But I’m just a kid mum"

Then added - "You and Daddy have 3 boys. You two would know how to handle if it’s a baby boy!"

Ha ha ha

When I told this to my colleagues at work today, they suggested perhaps tonite I shud tell Haqim we’re expecting a baby girl and after 3 boys, goodness, would we know how to handle a baby girl…??!

Later Haqim added, somewhat an afterthought I guess-

“Girls watch strange movies”

Mum: " Like what? "

Haqim : “ Like Little Mermaids and Fairies. And also Syaitan movies. (ask Airis’s mother about that one..) And Dora. So much Dora. I don’t like those….I like boys better."

So, there you go – that’s my son for you. We can probably expect more strange and amusing quips while we wait for the family's latest bundle to arrive. Meanwhile sis, enjoy the pregnancy…!!

Horrendous Saturday

I was on my regular weekend duty at one of our sites this past Saturday with another female colleague. As with any other developer show houses, we attend to potential walk-in purchasers. This particular project of ours had been on the market for over a year and most of the units have since been sold so we no longer get a stream of visitors. Which means things can get very quiet whenever we go on duty.

This last Saturday was no exception. Since morning we only had a handful of visitors. Things were quiet sometime just before noon when a couple of Malay men walked in, saying they were from one of the local banks. The bank they mentioned is already part of our panel of end-financiers so we were skeptical why these men came on their own. Furthermore, they were not dressed in their bank T-shirts and when asked for their name cards, they claimed they didn’t have any.

For the most part, my colleague attended to them but the couple of times that I neared them, I noticed that the men spoke in very hushed tones. After my colleague had briefed them, at which juncture most other visitors would say thank you and leave - these men did neither. Instead, we realized they had made themselves comfortable at the chairs where our bankers desk are located, on the opposite end of the room. Uncomfortable with their presence without anyone else around, my colleague politely showed them the door.

They held out their hands to shake ours before walking out- something most other visitors hardly ever do – but instead of getting into that green kancil they came with, they merely stood near the car and started chatting. And they continued so for at least 15 mins. I thought that was strange because it was, after all, a hot afternoon. Moreover, since the two of them had come together, if they had wanted to chat some more, they could have done so in their car - out of the premises.

They left, but not before we took down their license plate no. We gave the no to the security at the entrance but about an hour or so later, we were stunned when we saw the car drive in again. The guard was not at the guardpost– can’t expect much, he’s an old man. We began to get rather wary because the kancil had driven past the main entrance and headed to our covered parking which only has 3 stalls – already taken up by my colleague and me. So we could see that they were parked at the 3rd spot but from where we were there was no way we could tell if they remained in their car or had left. The frightening bit is this - there is anther entry point from the back which was merely another glass sliding door.

Scared out of our wits, we called a male colleague who promised to send someone soon. Nobody came till more than 40 minutes later so all the while we locked ourselves in the show house, feeling more anxious by the minute. We finally spotted the guard and waved frantically at him through the glass panels but to our dismay he barely raised a wink.

In the end, one of the project site guys came, and approached the two men in their car. They claimed they were waiting for a friend. Very strange excuse. My female colleague was too scared to remain there even a minute longer so we locked up and left. One of the men asked me ‘dah tutup ke kak, petang ni akak datang balik tak?” to which I did not reply in the affirmative.

Back at work on Monday, we called the bank they mentioned and were told the bank never sent out any officers to our site. Frankly, I doubt the men were crazy or trigger happy lunatics but their intentions were nonetheless very questionable.

That was not a pleasant episode, let me tell you. And although I’m certain it was nowhere near the traumatic experience of being held hostage, it was enough to make me feel helpless and weak in the knees.

So – that was my Saturday afternoon – interesting is quite an understatement. Horrendous is more like it..!

Iya Buk...??

Ok.,the maid is finally here. And since she came after our previous one had left so I had to pretty much teach her everything lah. Not something I relish doing. First impression, ok, ok lah, but becos I found out from here she had gone for a brief beauty course before that makes me a little cautious. Maybe becos our previous maid never even bothered to paint here lips at all. But my colleague tells me I should find out if she can give me at least a foot massage from time to time..! A common friend of ours has a maid at home who gives her a good body massage whenever she asks..

Anyway, I briefly wne through some of her stuff and so far have found she has a whitening product and a set of make-up or rather a color palate on her dressing table.. Even I don’t own one of those color palates ok.. One thing though - because she likes these beauty courses and all, she knows how to take care of herself so she does not have body odor. But she strikes me as one of those maids who would be enjoy a nice chat with the other maids at the padang in the evenings, something our old maid never did, or had any interest for whatsoever.

She is still very slow of course and does not know ginger from mushroom. Yesterday I taught her how to clean squids and although I showed her how to remove the purplish layer on the outside, I did not specify the slight purplish spots on the small elongated tentacles are fine. She seemed to take forever to clean them squids, and later I realized she was trying her best to remove those tiny spots on the tentacles as well.. no wonder she was taking forever.

On the first day I had showed her how to use the washing machine and yesterday morning even loaded the first load and told her to just turn the faucet on and put in the detergent. I then left for a 30 min errand and when I came home she asked why the machine wasn’t spinning well. “Penuh sangat ke buk..?” she asked. Goodness, dah lah my washing machine is so damn old, (older than Shaf who turns 14 this year!!), no wonder the darn thing wasn’t spinning. She had filled up the load even more, and so the clothes had no room to move at all…!

She seems afraid to talk to our precious, maybe because Haqim speaks mainly English. I tell her that it is an opportunity for her to pick up the language but so far she just nods and smiles.

Well, in short, I can expect a tiring first few weeks. Hubby and I have long thought our previous girl was good and quite dependable. She hardly gave us any real problems and was very happy to stay in the background. Now I do kinda miss her deep throaty voice and just hope this new one will learn things around the house soon enough.

I just rang the house and when asked what she was doing, she said, “enggak apa-apa, beres beres aja di dapur”. For a moment I was stunned. She then elaborated and I realized it really meant dia tengah kemas dapur....oh my, what an interesting time I’ll have these upcoming weeks..

Of conjuctivitis and new maid

Ok, no connection between the two..just happen to be the 2 things going on right now.

The entire household, with the exception of the maid, is down with conjuctivitis. What began as an infectious eye condition that my beloved first born must have brought home from the hostel last weekend, is now affecting the rest of us at home.

Shaf got it on Sunday. By Monday afternoon, while I was as work, I felt soreness in my right eye. I dismissed it as "must be my contact lenses". But less than an hour later I got a call from hubby dearest who exclaimed, "eh, my eyes sakit lah". Only then did it hit me, oh dear, it isn't the lens, it's the conjunctivitis. So, after work that day hubby and I must have looked quite comical, wearing dark glasses at half past 6 and we drove straight to the clinic.

The next morning, our precious had caught it too. As for me, having administered a couple of the eye drops the night before, voila, I cud not open my right eye by morning. Glued shut not just because of the conjunctivitis but because I had developed an allergy to the medication! The eye drop was steriod based and I had conveniently forgotten to mention to the doctor I cannot take steroid based medication. How wonderful..! So for the rest of the day I was pretty much Zorro, minus the eye patch.

By yesterday, I could open my eye but my left eye had also been affected. And with very puffed eyelids, I was no longer Zorro, more like a Down Syndrome patient I think, no disrespect intended. By this time, another son had caught it too so that completes it. So can you just imagine what it looks like in here, all of us walking around either with squinted eyes, red eyes, puffed up eyes, it's not a pretty sight! My mom says I should probably hang a sign out front to say No Visitors, Contaminated Area.

Save for the maid - she's fine so far. But the interesting bit is she's leaving back for her home country this Saturday so if she gets it this day or two, then she will most likely contaminate an entire aircraft, but hey what do I do??

Speaking of her leaving brings me to the next thing - getting the new maid. Aargh, always a source of great anxiety on my part..This girl that we've had for the last 2 years has been generally good. Not much to complain about. I just wonder what this new girl will be like..Will she be an honest girl, will she be too loud, will she be able to get along with the kids, will she have body odour??! Eh, I'm serious, ok..

Well, she is supposed to arrive this weekend, so will keep you posted!

Konsert 3 Diva

I heard about the concert a couple months ago but was not too interested simply because I have not heard of Titi DJ before and although I don’t mind Kris Dayanti, I much prefer Ruth whom I’ve watched live before. But a few days before the show I happened to catch them on Harith’s Thursday Nite Live and I was like, wow…not bad…not bad at all.

So at the last minute, I managed to get some tickets (haiyaa..comp lah..thanks to the ‘artist’ ha ha..) and off we went last nite. And boy, it was simply awesome…! Admittedly the sound system could use a lil tweaking but on the whole it was just great! The musical director, that Guttawa guy, man, he is something else. Musical arrangement was really fantastic.

The one thing I have to say is this – how come our artists need to dress the way they did? With the exception of Noryn Aziz (whom I’ve hardly heard of before), the other two could have dressed more tastefully. Indeed the Indonesian divas were a lot more sopan in their outfits throughout the nite. And with VIPs right up front, I thought Nurul especially should have not gelek-ed as hard, and in that dress pulak tu..! Why, after all that hip swaying she even got a comment from Kris, “cepat cepat kahwin lagi ye Nurul”.

Whatever it is, we had a blast! Among the highlights was when the 3 divas sang a medley of songs from Sheila (and Siti). Thoroughly enjoyed that – particularly the Sheila ones of course since they were songs I grew up with in my teenage years. Sheila was in the audience by the way, looking very pregnant. There was a string of VIPs in the audience too, and local celebs as well. Of course hubby said as good as the crowd was, nothing beats his experience attending a concert back when we were in the States. He and my brother went to a rock concert, and despite the significant loss of hearing they suffered from for days afterwards, claimed the concert was just out of this world.

Anyway, last nite was loads of fun. Great music, powerful vocals, wonderful song selection - in short, a great show, nothing less. I just wish our local singers can put up a show as exciting as that. And with modest sensible dressing, please..! Bikin malu daa..

Pursuit of Happyness

Hubby and I try to go on movie dates whenever we have some free time over the weekends. Naturally, most times, I get to pick the movies because he’s generally too caught up with work to really find out what these movies are all about. A couple weeks ago it was Music and Lyrics. Yes – it was a predictable romantic comedy but entertaining nonetheless. I picked that one because I like Hugh Grant, (eh, he may be old, but there’s a sexiness about him, ok ) – and I always enjoy Drew Barrymore’s goofy characters. Anyway, it was indeed a sweet and enjoyable flick and even hubby had to agree although he had his reservations in the beginning.

Then on Saturday we went to watch Pursuit of Happyness. And what can I say – I cried, or more like I sobbed. I was so totally overwhelmed with emotions, and if I was feeling all melancholy and ‘hiba’, then hubby felt it even more. That is because I can liken Chris Gardner’s relationship with his little 5yo to hubby’s special bond with our precious. It was easy for him to see himself in the character that Will Smith played.

I can so relate to the essence of the story – not because it’s one of those rags to riches film but more because of being able to ralte to the financial woes that drove you to the edge, tough luck that seemed perpetual and just days when you have no idea if you can go on. That instinct of wanting to protect you child, but not knowing what to do. The overpowering sense of loss and helplessness and that burning desire to make things work.

Initially, I wanted to watch because I wanted to see Will Smith and his son in their debut film together. And recently I bought a picture book called “Just the Two of Us” written by none other than Will Smith himself. It tells the story of the love, fears and hopes a father has for his son. Undoubtedly, the book was meant for his son Jaden, who plays his son in the movie. That kid though, I gotta tell ya, he is really good..steals the thunder from his dad in some of the scenes I must say.

Personally, things are definitely a lot better now for us but just a few years ago, life was tough. And my precious did not get to enjoy a lot of the things his two elder brothers once did. Unlike his brothers who were used to holding birthday parties each year, annual holidays local and abroad, and constantly swamped with toys and going for nice dinners. But if I care to look deeper than material happiness, what my precious gets is by far more meaningful than all those birthday parties and holidays put together. He gets so much love and undivided attention and is growing up as a very emotionally secure child. I see the difference right before my eyes.

Back to the movie, I feel it is a must watch for those who want to see great acting and powerful emotions. It speaks volumes of one man’s sheer grit and determination. Although I have seen many movies with similar storylines- a poor man making it in the big world, this is somehow different. Particularly because of the father-son relationship and certain issues hit close to home.

At the same time, it also shows a side of America that often escapes our eyes, the poverty that in some ways is a lot worse that what we see here on home ground. The movie portrays what things are really like on their streets, specifically San Francisco as was portrayed. All I could ever remember of my visit there was just the orange bridge and their awesome sourdough bread!! Here you see the homeless vagrants who are forced to look for daily shelter in community halls, get in the soup lines and live day to day, if they’re lucky that is. Otherwise, you may be forced to seek refuge in a subway toilets like Chris Gardner. Will Smith actually went round with Chris Gardner, to see the various places where the real Mr Gardner had to sleep at nites with his young son.

Incidentally, I was curious about the man who inspired the movie so I googled the real man himself. Check him out on Oprah’s show - http://www.oprah.com

All in all, it was worth all the tears I shed! Next movie will probably be during the upcoming

school break and if we're talking about a family one and if my boys have their way I know it will be Mr Bean's Holiday...! oh God, i hate that man..

Lovin' & Kissin'

It’s 12th of February today, 2 days away from Valentine’s day.. I am not a sucker for this so-called lover’s day for I feel the entire idea is tremendously overrated. Of course back when I was a teenager, it was a different story altogether. Cards and flowers were must-haves. As you grow older, and perhaps a tad wiser, you learn that Valentine’s Day is not exactly a celebration a good muslim should get all excited over…so all that youthful delight associated with the day kinda gets subdued over the years.

Yet, I feel a wish of ‘I love you’ to a loved one is not about to make me forget my faith so although I don’t go out for Valentine’s day anymore and have long stopped buying cards for my husband, it is still a day where you feel the mood for love, just a lil bit more somehow. And with that, I cannot help but recall a particular Valentine’s Day evening, in 1986 to be exact, out first Valentine’s day together..and yes, that first (err..brief) kiss..he..he..

It’s been 21 years since that first time our lips met..wow, imagine that. And today, millions of kisses later, we’re still together and I must say a whole lot more in love with one another now. Back then you don’t think, at least I never thought you can ever be more in love than you already were. And for the life of me, I never imagined love could ever be so complicated and demanded so much of you. Who would have thought love could be so sweet and yet painful, passionate but at times devoid of any emotion. And despite whatever heartaches and problems life brings you, at the end of the day, the love and support you get out of a relationship will help you make it through it all…God willing.

I am no expert on love but all I can say is this – falling in love is one thing, staying in love takes a lot of work, and with anything else that is associated with work, it takes effort. To me no marriage is ‘made’ in heaven, other than whomever you end up with is fated. But, the rest is up to you. Oh sure, there are bad days, no relationship would be real if there are no bumpy rides. But our love for one another still grows...now more than ever. And as things stand today I am still amazed at how I can still get goosebumps sometimes, and occasionally my heart still skips a beat when I hear his voice. And even after 2 decades and 3 kids later, (with our oldest turning 14 in a couple of months!), we still exchange cheeky jokes and flirt over the phone...

So, here’s to love..and many more years of hugs and kisses…!!

note - obviously the posting of this entry is a couple days late...

Ipoh Mali

Last week hubby, our precious and me traveled up north to Ipoh. Although the trip initially started on a rather sour note, as it turned out it was a very refreshing outing. A much needed break to life's complexities and issues. Due to some last minute change of plans, we ended up staying at Heritage with my aunt and uncle and that turned out really great! Being used to Syuen for our annual exodus back to Ipoh, Heritage was certainly a very nice change. (Although I was quite hesitant initially because somebody had said one hotel room kat situ berhantu..!)

We were there for some traditional treatment of kidney stones that my uncle had pre-arranged for himself, my dad and hubby. The treatment which were arranged for 3 consecutive days were only done at nights, leaving us with a free and easy itinerary during the day. Thus we began to explore Ipoh, and explore Ipoh we did, in ways we never had before..

You see, each year my family and I dutifully follow my parents back to their respective hometowns since they both still have an elder sibling in Perak. But each time our trips back are confined to the Raya visits and we never really had time to explore the town. Fact is hubby’s dad also came from there and as a young boy hubby himself stayed for 3 years in Ipoh with his aunt. So off we went to check out ACS, his old school, where he lived before and loads of other stuff. And after a short unofficial tour (husband insisted he took us around the building and the swimming pool whilst classes were in session.. only in Ipoh can you get away with something like that!) this lil conversation took place:

Haqim – oh, dad, so you want to show me your history? (I did not teach him the word, he said he learned in school)

Dad – yes.

Mom – So, Haqim, what is your history?

Haqim – My history is now (leaving mom feeling …duh..)

Then he continued, “and my old history is in the heavens, with Allah”

Phew..imagine that…my 5 yo talking.

Anyway, the rest of the trip was equally refreshing. We had good food and good company. It was nice bonding with my fav aunt and unc again. And since it was Thaipusam, it was also the closest we ever got to the annual affair, (yea, we would never dream of going anywhere remotely close to Batu Caves at that time now would we..). We were right smack in the middle of things since the worshippers had taken to the streets during rhe night, and the lighted chariots and kavadi carrying folks were all along the street, chanting, and dancing away. And there we were, all wide-eyed in Atok's van, moving very slowly because of the crowd. Haqim was certainly amazed at the sight and I can't say we weren't as well.

Frankly, I did not realize Ipoh has much to offer. Now - how many of you knew of this part of town called Buntong, where one can go buy all the kacang and muruku to last a lifetime?! No, seriously, we literally went nuts ourselves with the selection – bags and bags of nuts and muruku !! What do you fancy ? Kacang dhal, kacang parang, kacang hijau, kacang botak or the original kacang putih? You name it, they’ve got it !

And who knows a little eating place that not only serves delicious food ( yummy masak lemak cili padi ok..) but also sells pineapple tarts that are simply lovely!! Now I know where Mom gets her Raya supplies each year..! We finished half a jar overnight! We also checked out this hotel apartment which was to be our accomodation. It was certainly more than ok, so maybe some other time lah. And Rin, if you are reading, we can use the pool lah..!

All in all, Ipoh was really a pleasant surprise. Even our visits to the kind ole man who was treating the men were interesting each time. He had lots of stories to share, some more eerie than others so it was really fun listening to him.

The moral of the story is – never under estimate the reasons why everything happens and what He puts in front of you. Tu lah, Ustaz selalu kata Dia bagi kita apa yang kita perlu, not apa yang kita nak. What I had planned definitely did not materialize, but the turn of events was nothing less than memorable.

Which brings me back to Sr Enda's board along the Assunta corridor - her Food for Thought that changes each week, the one that said, - Man disposes, God disposes.

We're going again in 3 months by the way...so, muruku anyone..?

An Apology

Am not too certain how I should begin this entry. Suffice to say I am feeling pretty rotten and all choked up with emotion. You know the feeling when you are sorry for how certain things were said but simply could not help feeling what you feel.. I feel sorry, and angry but most of all I feel sad. Sad when it hits you how things are not what you perceived, or as deep as you had thought. Sad that I am seen as one who can incite so much negativity. Just sad that I did not handle things better.

Fact is, sugar coating my words have never been my style – certainly not one of my forte. So does that mean I must be a terrible person? Isn’t what’s inside more important? Not how nice you appear to others but how sincere your heart is? I don't mince my words, I don't know how to...and that appears to be my greatest fault. Sure, I am far from perfection, I am not without shortfalls and weaknesses - I have never indicated I am. I try to always remember that I am but a mere speck in the bigger scheme of things but deep in me, I am not malicious.

Yes, I can be loud, and when I have no closure my actions may be all too telling..my words may be peppered with anger. I try, you know. More often than note, believe it or otherwise, there are plenty of occassions where I try to smile and not say too much. But I guess SI is right, sometimes things are better left unsaid. My mistake- some things just don’t come easy, not to me at least. He also says I should learn to just accept things and people as they are..and that I should bite my tongue more. Ok, I hear you.

To the one I hurt, from the bottom of my heart, I apologize. Granted, sorry doesn’t make things right, but sorry is all I’ve got for now. I was out of line, and had made a bad judgment call and what it came down to was a response that was quite uncalled for. Quite honestly, my bark is usually worse than my bite which would mean I am not as unpleasant as I seem. But then again, each to his or her own..maybe that's an attempt on my part to justify. Truth is I am who I am- not neccesarily always proud of that but surely I am not the sole creature on earth who finds it hard to 'just smile'...and let things rest.

Everything happens for a reason…
And yes, I have to learn to bite my tongue a lot more.

of language, stuck door and super heroes

I won’t say I am proud of this but Haqim speaks very little Malay. But he just rang me up and attempted a full conversation in Malay. It went something like this; (but remember to read with a slight God-knows-what twang.).

Haqim: “ Mom, roti emm, tinggal emm, du-wa keping”.
Me: “ oh really?” – not realizing he was determined to pursue that in malay asked further, “you and adam ate the bread?”
Haqim, “ ermm , no, saya saje”
Me: “why are you speaking in Malay?”
Haqim “nak practice saje. Aunty Nadia (his teacher) kata”
Me: ‘ ooo’
Haqim : then gushed out excitedly, “oh mom, did you hear about the stuck door today??”

And there goes the Bahasa conversation.

Actually, he had already told me about the stuck door earlier in the day. In English. Apparently, the classroom door got stuck today and he and his friends, Aunty Nadia included, were all “trapped” inside. This was how he related the incident to me.

“ Mom, today our classroom door got stuck and we were all trapped inside Mom..!”
“ Oh dear, so what happened?”
“Auntie Nadia had to shout from under the door mom. She tried to use a card but the door wouldn’t open"
“Were you scared?”
“Nooo, but one of the boys was.”
“He cried?”
“No, he whined”.
“So then how did you get out? “
“Auntie Marisa. She rescued us Mom. With a screw driver. She’s a super hero..!”
“Oh wow..”
“Yeaaa…I think I;m going to call Opah and tell her that Auntie Marisa is also a super hero.”
“What do you mean?”
“Opah went to the flood and helped the people there. She’s a super hero..! “
“Oh wow….” (totally impressed and by then beginning to imagine if Opah will look better in the Catwoman or Wonder Woman suit….)

Kah kah…So there. My son is attempting to speak in Bahasa, which is great. And of course I am proud of Opah too, for being part of the adopting a vilage program in Johor. Just that super hero bit from my son gives it a different angle lah, that's all.

Meanwhile, me and hubby, known as Mama and Abah to my nieces and nephews, one day asked Ed, Haqim’s best bud –
"Adam, are your classmates mostly Malay, Chinese or Indian?"
"Only Malay and English."
"English??? That can’t be.."
"Yeesss lah mama...."
"And you are..? "
"Tsk - English-laa"

aaah...I should have known..his cousin Airis Sophia - she's English too..!

The correlation between breastfeeding amd sleepovers

Wah, at a glance my topic for this entry sounds so research-like huh..?

Anyway, here's the thing - my precious 5yo – Haqim, has sleepover issues. In his almost 6 years, he has probably had maybe 5,6 sleepovers, tops. No really, he does not do sleepovers, even at the gramps. I donno, it is our fault that Haqim has separation anxiety? Truth is, he does not really suffer from separation anxiety, just at nightfall. Things begin to take on a totally different perspective for Haqim once he is supposed to close his eyes and go to bed.

I suppose it all began when I chose to breastfeed my precious beyond 2 years old. It wasn’t something I had planned consciously. I knew I wanted to nurse him for awhile but I never made any specific effort to stop by a certain point. It was just convenient, he was happy, I was happy, so there was simply no reason to stop. Beyond around 2 and a half years or so it was still not such a big deal because Haqim would by then just nurse mostly at bedtime. So I went with the flow – literally..! People around me started to give me that look but it wasn’t like I had to lift up my top and feed him anywhere, anyplace..! And no, although they have teeth by that age, they do not bite. By then Haqim was doing fine during the day and would only cuddle up to mummy at bedtime.

So due to these nighttime nursing, he was constantly with me, and sleepovers became a problem for him. There were several occasions where he did follow his brothers to my parents or once to my sister’s but those were not without some crying in the middle of the night.

Which is why last weekend was an achievement for Haqim! He had spent the day with his best bud, Adam, and went with his Nana (what he calls my sis) and co to their new abode downtown. And…he called me to announce that he was sleeping over. Although we went to say hello briefly sometime that night, he was fine and did not ask to come home with us. Next morning, my sis tells me Haqim did wake up and asked for mummy but Nana assured him that the sun would be up in awhile and they can all go swimming. That said, Haqim went back to sleep.

Back home the next day, as I was winding down that evening, after his bedtime story, Haqim looking quite forlorn I might add, asked me “Mom, why do I have trouble sleeping with someone else?” I assured him that it is completely ok and there was nothing wrong with that. Haqim persisted, “but why is it so easy for some people?” I merely sighed and kissed my son and said, “sweetie, there are a lot of things that can be hard for you but easy for somebody else, but there are also things that are hard for others but very simple for you…like you talk so well and can always tell me how you feel, some people don’t know how”. And since he’s soo into drawing since he began art class, I added, “like how you drew that horse and mummy doesn’t know how to draw a horse!” He seemed satisfied with my response, at least for the time being.

Haqim had always been totally adorable, by virtue of being the baby of the family, and being our child after an 8 year gap between him and Arief, he has always been the apple of my eye, and daddy’s manja. Although he is our precious, he is not timid, only soft-hearted. He is not shy, but also not overly boisterous. Haqim has a mind of his own and usually knows what he wants but he takes instructions well. So maybe he is overly anxious when it comes to sleepovers but during bright daylight he has no issues of separation anxiety whatsoever. Take him anywhere and he’ll be more than happy.

The past few days though he’s been saying he’s gonna be sleeping at Nana’s pad again this weekend. So he says – lah. Let’s wait and see what happens.

In the meantime, do I have any regrets about my decision to breastfeed that long? Not a chance..!! Those were some of my best moments of motherhood..!

Share? No way....!

I may have mentioned before that I am not much of a Malay movie fan. But I watched Cinta recently did I not – and whaddayaknow..I watched the Indonesian movie Berbagi Suami over the past weekend. But that was Indonesian so does that count? Anyway, I was curious – yet again - so since hubby was game, why not. I wanted to see how they tackled this sensitive issue of polygamy and I was also curious as to why SIS went all out to support the movie.

Much to my surprise, it was not bad. Not bad at all. It was similar to Cinta in the sense that the movie had more than one story rolled into one film. Except here it began with one story before the second unfolded and finally the third tale was presented. And frankly, the first story was enough to get the message across and had already done so very well but the other stories were there to give the film more substance since it presented the subject matter from different angles.

For those who have yet to watch, let me fill you in. The gist of the film is but of course, the life of men who practice polygamy. But the brutal truth of how it hurts and how it affects the entire family is what this movie cleverly portrays. In the first case, the family is an affluent one, in which case the man can financially afford to take on a new wife. To make matters interesting, his first wife is a smart career woman, who is also a woman of strong faith. Still, it does not make it any easier, even after years and years. And the son grew up to be a cynical young man who did not exactly hate the father but became very protective of his mom. But cynical, no less.

In the second tale, the man is not wealthy and lives with all his wives under one roof. Crazy huh? In a more impoverished area in Jakarta, we see how someone with hardly any moral upbringing handle the polygamy issue and it can be disastrous. In a weird twist, two of his 4 wives fall for each other, I guess being exposed only to a man who use them for nothing more than fulfilling his lust leaves tremendous psychological repercussions on those with not much of moral fibers to begin with.

And finally we see the practice of polygamy by an Indonesian of Chinese origin, who is Catholic. And so we see no matter what the religion, no matter what the circumstances, polygamy will hurt and is far from heaven…except I guess when the man gets to enjoy a varied menu whenever he gets hungry. Eiiuu…gross…!

What did I get as I walked away from TGV that evening? Well, it simply reaffirms what I’ve always believed, that it never works. And this time, hubby agrees..! No-lah he wasn’t about to practice polygamy – over my dead body babe – but his 2 cents on the matter was that in situations where all parties consented, then it may be workable.

Hah - now he knows better.!! That it hurts, that you still can’t be totally happy, and that it affects the family, no matter which way you choose to look at it. As the character from the movie struggled to advise his son from his deathbed,”nanti kamu nikah, satu ajaa…pusiiing……..!!”

Simply put, the concept of sharing ends here…period.

Making the Glue

I can’t remember which movie this line came from, but it was from something I watched recently. A man had major reservations about fessing up how much he likes this girl, and not wanting to take the plunge for fear that it may be a wrong decision, he then asks for a friend’s opinion and this little conversation took place:

Bachelor: You’re married, so how do you make it stick?
Married Friend: It’s really not about making it stick, you gotta make the glue man.
Bachelor: And what if after you try, it still all falls apart?
Married Friend: Then you’ll know that you just don’t fit together.


Recently I spent a long time with an old friend who has had more than her fair share of marital woes. In her case, I guess, they just did not fit together..twice over! She’s such a dear ole friend and to listen to all her pain brought tears to my eyes. Even thinking about it brings about a lump in my throat. It’s been so long since we shared our life stories and although many years have passed, it was good to know that we could pick up where we left off. We laughed a lot that day but we cried too and I can’t help but admire her for her sheer guts.

I cannot claim I have the perfect marriage. These days life is generally good and although there are still days I get so mad with him that I can scream, well, I don’t. Things can be a lot worse I tell myself..and with him having given up smoking and has been “sober” for 2 weeks now, gives me all the reason to be happy and contented.

Coming back to that line from the movie, so, how do you make the glue? I guess with a lot of love and laughter, tolerance and understanding and most of all sometimes you just need the resolve to make it stick - unless of course in the case of my girlfriend, the guy turns out to be a total jerk, then it’s his loss. I guess sometimes you gotta find what makes the glue, the elements that make things work. The elements that make you both want to make it work, no matter what.

In my case, I must admit, the strongest and most effective glue are the kids, more so our precious angel..

Just two days ago, out of the blue, he hugged his dad’s neck real tight and suddenly said, please try, please try, never start again, ok daddy, I love you. That stunned us both and moved daddy to bits – it also made daddy vow, ok son, I will always remember that voice if ever I feel the urge to start again..

You just can’t beat that kinda glue….

Stubbing it out!

Well, whaddayaknow…it’s been over a week since hubby last lighted a cigarette..! In fact, it’s been a good 9 nine days..9 whole days….!! Wow, am I a proud wife right now. And the difference between now and the countless of times that he’s ever attempted to quit is this time he’s been telling the world.

So, yes, I sure wish and pray this time it’s for real, once and for all. Whatever cigarette packs that I could get my hands on, I’ve thrown out. The ashtray that lays at our wooden bench outside the house, the one of two places where he smokes (the other being the downstairs toilet!) has been cleaned and put away. What remains is a carton that sits on top of one of the shelves at his home office, that I can’t quite reach..that perhaps needs to be there just to prove to him, that he can fight this thing.

It’s his birthday today..his 41^st. And I hope this marks a fresh beginning. If so, it’s as though that entire episode of his kidney stone was orchestrated from up there just to be the catalyst for him to finally stub the habit. Isn’t that weird? I mean, not peculiar weird, just amazingly weird. God gave him this medical condition that was enough to jerk him into realization – that he needed to wake up and drop that particular vice. He used to say to me, look, smoking is my only vice, please don‘t give me a hard time. So I stopped nagging. Oh, ok, I admit I did not stop. Nagging isn’t a nice term to use, and husbands hate the word, so maybe I began to just advise, and reminded him endlessly. But his kids, they harassed him almost to no end. The bargaining he had to go through with his sons, the nagging he got from them I think far surpassed his wife’s.

Now they tell him how proud they are of him. They tell him kissing his hand is now a pleasure because his hands used to smell real bad. My no 2 said if ever he gets to meet the person who first talked his dad into the habit, “Arief akan tumbuk orang tu." His close friends at work are also proud of him, and the fact that none of them are smokers should help him a lot. One in particular is an ex-smoker, who quit some 7 years ago, has even told him he’s gonna help hubby.

And me, my doa is for hubby to have the strength to fight the temptation. I am thankful he is finally making the resolve to lead a healthier lifestyle and I no longer feel like I’m kissing an ashtray.