Happily Ever After

Three days ago, hubby and I celebrated 18 years of marital bliss – sometimes not-so-bliss. It’s been a long and interesting journey, certainly not always smooth, especially in the early years. At this point however, life is sweet and I feel truly blessed.

This afternoon I spent a long time talking to one of my best girlfriends. We’ve known each other since we were kids in primary school and when times are bad we try to be there for one another.

It’s been tough for her, feeling the strain and missing that love. Nope, no third party or anything of the sort, just some rough times. And boy, I know that feeling all too well, that disappointment, the resentment and just plain “I don’t feel like I wanna be nice to you although I still love you” kinda feeling.

It’s tough and the irony is although you desperately want it to work, you also just don’t feel like working at it because of so much anger inside of you. In the end, you need to somehow learn to forgive, accept your partner "seadanya" and then find that inner calm. Only then can you begin to re-nurture that relationship and start rekindling whatever that’s missing.

It’s never easy to get rid of all that anger because first you have to get rid of all expectations. I guess we need to appreciate that time changes a person and we have probably changed as well. It’s just always easier to see our partner as the one who has changed. And when these men in our lives do not live up to our expectations and we the do not end up having that castle we once dreamed of, then marriage kills the romance that was once a part of the courtship in the early years.

Yes, I had dreams dashed too, I expected more and the feeling of “how come I got the losing end of this deal and you got the better bargain out of this relationship” can sometimes cause you more heartache and inevitably shatters those expectations again and again. Maybe some of us od’d on romance novels - we all thought we were going to meet a guy, fall madly in love, be swept off our feet and live happily ever after. Aaah, that is soo not real, now we know better huh?. Hey, I thought I was going to be the wife of a rich successful doctor..look how that turned out. Would I have been happier? I don’t know - maybe I would in some ways. I would probably be able to afford a nice house, drive a cool car and get to spend his money – ha ha…! But then again, those are really material wealth aren't they..

Everyone tells you marriage is not about keeping score, but rather about doing little things that make the other’s lives happier and easier but at times when your love tank is running low, it’s not easy to remember things like these. I suppose some of us just have to rough it out and accept that even in the bleakest of times, there are lessons to be learned and love can prevail if we try to forgive and accept that happily ever after is truly over rated.

But am I happy now? Oh, you bet I am…