An Apology

Am not too certain how I should begin this entry. Suffice to say I am feeling pretty rotten and all choked up with emotion. You know the feeling when you are sorry for how certain things were said but simply could not help feeling what you feel.. I feel sorry, and angry but most of all I feel sad. Sad when it hits you how things are not what you perceived, or as deep as you had thought. Sad that I am seen as one who can incite so much negativity. Just sad that I did not handle things better.

Fact is, sugar coating my words have never been my style – certainly not one of my forte. So does that mean I must be a terrible person? Isn’t what’s inside more important? Not how nice you appear to others but how sincere your heart is? I don't mince my words, I don't know how to...and that appears to be my greatest fault. Sure, I am far from perfection, I am not without shortfalls and weaknesses - I have never indicated I am. I try to always remember that I am but a mere speck in the bigger scheme of things but deep in me, I am not malicious.

Yes, I can be loud, and when I have no closure my actions may be all too telling..my words may be peppered with anger. I try, you know. More often than note, believe it or otherwise, there are plenty of occassions where I try to smile and not say too much. But I guess SI is right, sometimes things are better left unsaid. My mistake- some things just don’t come easy, not to me at least. He also says I should learn to just accept things and people as they are..and that I should bite my tongue more. Ok, I hear you.

To the one I hurt, from the bottom of my heart, I apologize. Granted, sorry doesn’t make things right, but sorry is all I’ve got for now. I was out of line, and had made a bad judgment call and what it came down to was a response that was quite uncalled for. Quite honestly, my bark is usually worse than my bite which would mean I am not as unpleasant as I seem. But then again, each to his or her own..maybe that's an attempt on my part to justify. Truth is I am who I am- not neccesarily always proud of that but surely I am not the sole creature on earth who finds it hard to 'just smile'...and let things rest.

Everything happens for a reason…
And yes, I have to learn to bite my tongue a lot more.