Love is...

Try asking a few people what love means and you are likely to get various takes on the word and what it means to each individual. This would be the umpteenth time I am celebrating Valentines with the love of my life..let me see…just over 2 decades to be exact..Long time huh…? Sure we had a brief ‘hiatus” – but it was like 22 years ago when we first spent Valentine’s Day together..I can even go into details, but I’d rather not lah…no la, nothing too xx pun…just no need to share lah..

So, what is love.? To me, it is about being able to see past your partner’s shortfalls and the mutual respect and affection which you feel towards each other. Real love goes beyond valentine’s day wishes and romantic dinners. It means being able to count on one another in times of need, be it a bad day at work, problems with the family or regular issues with the kids, home and finances.

I should stress that the notion of being wined and dined is not completely unnecessary..! I love flowers but they are not essential (and these days they cost a bomb during Valentine week so forget it..!) so a nice card and quiet alone time will do. As I grew older, Valentine’s Day has lost some of its spark and for me and hubby a few other days are more meaningful to be celebrated. Nonetheless, it is still a nice day to wish one another and use it as an excuse to make the effort to spend time as a couple. With everything that goes on in our lives it can be quite a challenge to find the time to go out alone, without the kids. A weekend away is almost out of the question. Yea, yea..couples should not let kids get in the way..maybe later laa..don’t most couples say that?

As we go about doing whatever it is that we do today my thoughts are with several people around me who happen to be facing some relationship issues. Problems that revolve around anything from finances, to children, to bedroom issues. And I must say some of those issues are really not alien to me in our marriage but alhamdulillah we somehow made it through the rain. And although there can still be stormy weather on some days, I suppose that is just part of the whole deal lah. You pick your battles, you accept that neither you nor your partner will ever be perfect and you laugh with each other - a lot.

At the end of the day, there is no denying that marriage is a lot of work; relationships are never easy and as someone close to me said, love must always, always be nurtured, lest you may just find yourselves drifting away in no time. And chances are there will be occasions where your love and marriage will be tested and my oh my, how emotionally exhausting that can be..

But with each Valentine’s Day I am reminded that love means more than flowers and romantic dinners. It is a time to reflect how one has matured in a relationship, it celebrates the struggles of bad patches along the way and it is a day to treasure the love you still feel and the bond that has grown over the years.

So what will I be doing tomorrow? Hmm…I hope I will be enjoying a nice dinner at a cosy table at a quite but not necessarily fancy restaurant…followed by a feel good movie at home perhaps.. and who knows what else…And yes, it will be tomorrow because going out on a week night is just not so appealing you know..Besides since tomorrow is Friday, the kids can be packed off to mom’s house..hehe…

On that note..happy valentine’s day..!

oh oh oh Sheila.....!!

I still remember the first time I heard somebody by the name of sheila majid sing on the radio. Frankly at the time I thought she sounded rather nasal and was not immediately taken by her voice. But her song was catchy and before long I had bought a copy of Pengemis Muda. There was a school show soon after and my pet sis sang the song since it was THE song at the time.

I saw Sheila sing live only once, with whom I went and where exactly it was I somehow cant quite remember. Later, I was studying abroad when the infamous Ikhlas concert took place and
I heard how good it was from people I know. And then some weeks back I read she was having a 2 day charity concert and I wanted so much to be able to go but the tickets were way too expensive. So there goes another chance at seeing Sheila in action.

But as luck would have it, late Thursday evening I managed to get a couple of complimentary tickets from work – the occasional perk I enjoy when the company gets involved in certain charity drives and sponsor big dos like this la..and to top it off, I got fantastic seats…!!!

Anyway, I was ecstatic that I was going the next evening. It was a really really great show, and I cannot find the words to describe the fun we had….!! It started with me shedding a few tears though because the show was after all in aid of the IJN Foundation and there was a brief presentation on the patients at IJN which included adorable babies and little children and those pictures made me cry.

But once the she got going, it was awesome..all the way. Sheila has not lost her touch one bit! She was smooth and classy, very professional and knew exactly how to get through to her audience. In fact soon most of us were on our feet dancing away..and I think I spent almost the whole second set on my feet..swaying and grooving…it was just wonderful singing along to all the songs I grew up with. In fact earlier Sheila had asked the crowd, “how many of you grew up with my music…??” And there was a resounding “meeee……..” from sooo many of us to which Sheila joked, “So you all must be at least 35 and above right…”ha ha haa…

Even her intermission was exciting. While Sheila disappeared for a wardrobe change, her entourage of musicians took turns at entertaining the crowd and because it was so interesting, not many of us took the time to go for the usual intermission shi shi break. Halfway through the second set hubby said he could hold it in for much longer so he got up and began to make his way to the end of the aisle. Suddenly Sheila started “kata demi kata..jalin dengan indah..” and hubby threw me a look that said, “err, I don’t think I need to go anymore” and so he walked back to me, much to the amusement of those around us!

Basically, I fell in love with Sheila's music all over again that nite..from the upbeat Pengemis Muda when it all began, the infectious Warna, to the classic Anyir dan Jakarta and Emosi, she sang them all.....aaaahhh....

All in all, it was great fun and although the VVIP that particular nite, Tun M did not get up and boogie, but from what I understand, the following nite, our Pak Lah did..!

I went home, tired feet and giddy with excitement but thrilled and thoroughly contented…

Oh, and of course my dearest hubby was also giddy due to something else, we met and talked to Dayang, his ultimate favourite singer..so amusing to see him looking quite love struck! hahaha

The Inspector...

Ok, I admit, I went thru her things..Who? My maid, lah, who else..Ok, and it was Raya Haji day..eh, but I had no choice ok...

Anyway, we all went to my mom's - it being raya morning and all and we happened to leave her there since we had places I needed to go to. So later in the day it just became convenient to go thru her things. And what did I find? Actually, not very much. I found the book that mentioned she bought a handphone tapi majikan tak tahu, and other stuff but nothing fatal lah. My final analysis, she was the jilted lover...I found many sappy love notes and heartbreaking longings....yada yada yada...

..and it is obvious she prefers the house to be all quiet I guess becos right after raya haji my two older boys were away for several days and my maid was 'good'. No sign of not wanting to work at all..!

So, now what? From what I understand she had told my mom's maid that she wants to go back, but to us she has not said a thing since our chat the other nite. So I will broach the topic again soon. Will blog some more when that happens. Meanwhile I am still wondering, where does she keep that handphone...............

Maid to Last ......NOT

Those who know me will know that I have not had very many domestic maids. Reason being I had one who was with us for a long time. Nikka was with us for more than 8 years so I only had one, another Filipino for 2 years before her and maybe another one or two temporary ones in between and along the way.

I did not have many problems with one maid who left last year..my first real Indonesian helper. She was slow in the beginning but she picked things up very fast. With the exception of her very very deep voice, I found her to be totally acceptable and was sorry to see her leave after her 2 yr contract ended.

Then came my latest…good lord, as I write this I suddenly had a thought – am I actually writing an entry that revolves around her…???! Well, yes, looks like that’s exactly what I’m about to do. Hey, isn’t a blog supposed to be cathartic…

She is slow…let me tell you she has been slow ever since she arrived 9 months ago. The odd (or rather infuriating) thing is this – I noticed that she can be quite efficient, yes, you got it – only when she chooses to be so. She hardly has any initiative but never mind all that. She is quite a bit of a Ms Defensive – “taaak, ibu tak beli cheese. Iya, Ani udah check la..” And voila, the cheese is there in the fridge but hey, she will still defend herself.

This week though she has been really - really testing my patience. In the last week –

i. she insisted her bibik wants to come to our house to snap a picture of her – to send back to Indon
ii. my son found a book where she wrote she bought a handphone tapi majikan tak tau
iii. she told my sister’s maid that her boyfriend back home is pressuring her to return to Indonesia
iv. she also told the other maid that she cant stand my two older sons so she wants to leave

So last nite we confronted her.

i. She literally begged that we allow this bibik to come and we said NO.
ii. She told on the boys (weekdays are meant to be PS free) but the boys main ps tadiii
ii. She said her father never really agreed to allow her to come here to work in the first place – DUH…

No mention of boyfriend, no admission of owning a handphone but she did say she has a phone card and borrows the handphone of our neighbor’s maid, which she had told me some time ago.

I have had enough so we said please decide if you want to work - otherwise, feel free to leave. But since she will be in breach of her contract should she decide to leave, she will leave empty handed. She did not seem to mind. My dad’s theory - the bibik may be somebody who’s got some contact that can offer her a new job – thus the need for the picture.

She said she would inform us of her decision this morning but she did not. Hubby said, what if she changes her mind, maybe she wants to stay…Oh please, I would rather have her leave….