love you, love you not

Today a dear friend rang me up. We had the usual catching up with one another kinda conversation. Later we got to talking about a case of wife abuse. Well, she calls it that, I prefer to use the term "domestic violence".

We were pondering over why some women, despite the obvious torment - mental and emotional, not to mention the physical aspect, choose to stay on. Why don't these women simply walk out, dear F was screaming. Why can't they at least do something about it, apart from crying of course. That dear ole friend of mine, she can be brutal, and vocal, so she lamented, "why can't they just leave, otherwise stop whining". I can see where she's coming from, one can only take so much sad domestic stories, if the person concerned does nothing, pretty soon pity does not come easy anymore.

However, I am not as harsh, at least I would like to think so. I repeatedly maintained maybe it's not as simple as that. Hey, it takes a lot of guts to walk out of a relationship, a marriage, especially when there are kids involved. People stay on due to a variety of reasons ; children, financial stability, family, lots of things.

Who am I to judge why people choose to stay in a troubled relationship. I have been married 17 years and frankly although never a victim of domestic violence ever before, admittedly I have had more than my share of tumultous history. There were times when things were more critical than usual and honestly there were days when I wanted out. In my heart I screamed to leave, to walk away and just nurse the pain. I rebelled that it was all too much, so much more than I had bargained for and I did not deserve any of it. There were days when I told myself, "this is it, I'm walking out of here." Obviously, I didn't. Why? Frankly, because I just did not have the guts, and because I was a young mother with two small children. And I had my pride..

I did not think I could carry on, I doubted my ability to hold myslef together, even if it was for the sake of the children. And so I persevered. And worked at saving what I had and prayed. Hard. Thank God, I made it through. I made it through the rain as B.Manilow sang.. What would have happened if I had indeed walked out? Only God knows. Perhaps if I was a victim of domestic violence I might have run, far far away. Or perhaps I would have stayed. Who knows.

In any case, I now thank God everday for the blessings in my life. Those dark days remain a part of my history that made me and my other limb better individuals in our lives..and in our marriage. As husband and wife we have long uncovered the whys and the whats and now we have moved on. Is staying on always a better option? Maybe not.

However, today I am blessed with a husband who truly loves me, appreciates me and cares for me, always. I have 3 beautiful children who are my angels. Do we still fight? Yes, occasionally, but these days we just argue and things hardly get out of hand and we never go to the danger zone no more. Truly, life has never been better.

Thank God I did not have that courage to pick up and leave.