I will turn a year older this Sunday. And how does that make me feel? Not wonderful is putting it mildly. And between you and me, (yes, you, the one or two creatures on earth who actually read my entries…) I have been kinda edgy at the mere thought of it Honestly, it’s been bugging me quite a fair bit, and for some reason I have been feeling rather insecure, about so many things in my life. My finances, my parenting skills, my looks, my hair, my weight of course.. And then on Sunday, I had a fall. Not a nasty one but enough to leave me limping for several days. Noo, I did not sprain an ankle, just pulled a muscle but hey, it hurt ok, and it was not cool to come to work in slippers..so I have not exactly been feeling on top of the world..(and that twit of a colleague who when seeing me limp into the office on Monday morning chirpily said, ayooo lily, you’re not young anymore you know..must be careful ooo…) And just like that my wonderful week began.
Yes, me, who tells that one should count one’s blessings in life..I really should take a HUGE spoonful of my own medicine huh..
I don’t know, perhaps it’s all because I thought I would have achieved a certain number of things in my life by now. Ah, my husband points out, therein lies the crux of my problem, life is about a lot more than ‘things’..he stresses. I have my health, a stable job, a place to stay, my family which includes a husband and kids whom I love very much, and hopefully love me right back. I have a set of beautiful people I call my closest best friends whom I’ve known for close to 30 years and many other girl friends and sisters all of whom are in very special places in my heart.
With my husband of almost 20 years I have a wonderful relationship. Naturally there are days when life as a couple is less than perfect but I would like to think that despite it all, things are still good between us and married life is still sweet.
Then there are my kids…my pride and joy. My raison d’etre in this world. Ironically, issues with one was what triggered my emotions this morning. I ask you, when you’ve been a parent for close to 15 years as I have, you would think that you’re at least a decent enough parent, right? Think again…
“You’re too hard on yourself..” my husband tells me. I can’t help it. I have this voice that tells me even I have not achieved much in almost 40 years of my life (there, I’ve said it…!!what a HUGE number…oh GOD..!), I should at least have sufficient parenting skills to handle any given situation right..as I said, think again. Yes, it’s really not that big a deal, more of the usual discipline issues, but hey, they irk me. And with all that emotion running high lately with the aging thing, well, the timing sucks.
But my better half was sweet enough to be patient and reminded me that I have a lot to be thankful for. That life would not mean a thing even if I have loads of moolah in my bank account but a terrible relationship with my spouse and kids..and nobody else to turn to, for instance. And that kids are to be disciplined with love..yes, yes, when he’s calm he’s a much better parent than I am… Ok, I’m being cynical, I really shouldn’t.
Aaaahhh..ok, that’s me taking a deep breath. He’s right, I’m being too hard on myself. So no more ranting about, no more teeth clenching till I burst. So what if my son sleeps like a log, he’ll just miss football practice. So what if I my hair is thinning, I still have no ubans, so what if I don’t drive a fancy car and can’t afford jewelry, (I can still dream, can’t I..) and so what if I’m not young and slim anymore…(ok, with this one, I am not so convinced yet lah..I think I need to spend some money at a slimming centre lah ….)
Hubby tells me he loves me more than ever before, - God bless the man..despite the thinning hair, the wide hips and all my other imperfections..(eh, do you think he said that to avoid his wife from having a nervous breakdown maybe..??)
I turn a year older...I think I need to get a pick-me-upper and face this head on. In the meantime, errr, do you know of a good hair product, that won’t cost me an arm and a leg, and then some..?
Yes, me, who tells that one should count one’s blessings in life..I really should take a HUGE spoonful of my own medicine huh..
I don’t know, perhaps it’s all because I thought I would have achieved a certain number of things in my life by now. Ah, my husband points out, therein lies the crux of my problem, life is about a lot more than ‘things’..he stresses. I have my health, a stable job, a place to stay, my family which includes a husband and kids whom I love very much, and hopefully love me right back. I have a set of beautiful people I call my closest best friends whom I’ve known for close to 30 years and many other girl friends and sisters all of whom are in very special places in my heart.
With my husband of almost 20 years I have a wonderful relationship. Naturally there are days when life as a couple is less than perfect but I would like to think that despite it all, things are still good between us and married life is still sweet.
Then there are my kids…my pride and joy. My raison d’etre in this world. Ironically, issues with one was what triggered my emotions this morning. I ask you, when you’ve been a parent for close to 15 years as I have, you would think that you’re at least a decent enough parent, right? Think again…
“You’re too hard on yourself..” my husband tells me. I can’t help it. I have this voice that tells me even I have not achieved much in almost 40 years of my life (there, I’ve said it…!!what a HUGE number…oh GOD..!), I should at least have sufficient parenting skills to handle any given situation right..as I said, think again. Yes, it’s really not that big a deal, more of the usual discipline issues, but hey, they irk me. And with all that emotion running high lately with the aging thing, well, the timing sucks.
But my better half was sweet enough to be patient and reminded me that I have a lot to be thankful for. That life would not mean a thing even if I have loads of moolah in my bank account but a terrible relationship with my spouse and kids..and nobody else to turn to, for instance. And that kids are to be disciplined with love..yes, yes, when he’s calm he’s a much better parent than I am… Ok, I’m being cynical, I really shouldn’t.
Aaaahhh..ok, that’s me taking a deep breath. He’s right, I’m being too hard on myself. So no more ranting about, no more teeth clenching till I burst. So what if my son sleeps like a log, he’ll just miss football practice. So what if I my hair is thinning, I still have no ubans, so what if I don’t drive a fancy car and can’t afford jewelry, (I can still dream, can’t I..) and so what if I’m not young and slim anymore…(ok, with this one, I am not so convinced yet lah..I think I need to spend some money at a slimming centre lah ….)
Hubby tells me he loves me more than ever before, - God bless the man..despite the thinning hair, the wide hips and all my other imperfections..(eh, do you think he said that to avoid his wife from having a nervous breakdown maybe..??)
I turn a year older...I think I need to get a pick-me-upper and face this head on. In the meantime, errr, do you know of a good hair product, that won’t cost me an arm and a leg, and then some..?
2 comments:
Happy bday Lily, hope you are feeling better now. Hey like i said lets try and look at the lighter side of things. Reading your post reinforces the fact that you're one lucky girl although finances may be a little tight but I know lots of people would be envious of your loving family and hubby. So don't be too sad ok and I think you look great at 40. How come I don't see the wide hips and thining hair. What I see is a lovely, warm and understanding friend who will be great at 40 and beyond. So lets have a smile..or a loud and hearty laugh..what the hell, things can only get better at 40, I'm sure of that!
Hi sis, my mom always tells me to enjoy yourself at whatever stage of your life. Everybody dreads getting older, but look at it this way, when you turned thirty you look back and wished you were still in your twenties. When you turn forty, you wish you were still a thirty something, so why not make the best of things and enjoy yourself at whatever age you may be now. For I'm sure that when u turn fifty, u'd appreciate forty more than u do now.
So cheer up gurl! I agree with your friend Zue, things can only get better, insyaAllah. :)
ps: btw you are tagged! c u sunday! :)
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