one of those things...

My dim sum date was nothing less than great. As always a date out with the girls never fail to lift my spirits and make me laugh and sometimes cry. This time around we shared some nice stories too. Z shared her grief over the passing of a loved one, R had loads to share with her parliament stories, Fr and her home issues and me and my il nighmare..

But among others, the one about F and her dilemma has to take the cake..about how hubby dearest is now at that new-found spiritual stage - where he would like the wife to don the scarf. Yes, the tudung…Hmm, I remember my personal experience with that very,very well. To say the entire episode was tough is truly an understatement! I went through many days of anger and resentment. I knew I was headed that way – covering my head that is– eventually - but I had always thought it would be in my own time. And not because my husbands tells me so. I hated him for going through what I termed as a spiritual phase and I resented him for making me feel like I was this terrible Muslim. Now, some 3 years on, I no longer resent him and I certainly have no anger towards. I do however, have a long way to go still. Half the time I don’t think I am doing things right. My first born, who happens to go to a religious boarding school reminds me from time to time…and I must admit feeling rather embarrassed by that. However, I now feel a deeper sense of spiritual belief..I feel a lot more at peace and I honestly feel I can ‘talk’ to God, not that I could not before but I don’t know lah how to explain it….! Anyway, I hope slowly others aspects of my religion and all of its other obligations will all fall into place in my life.

So to F, I know that feeling, dreading to finally ‘do it’ but believe me, one day it will all feel so natural that you would almost feel naked leaving home without your head covered. And trust me, our hubbies are only doing what they actually should do anyway, and frankly maybe it’s really a favor because we girls don’t seem to be able to ‘get it’ on our own..ha ha....and after all we are not in our 20’s no more – Good Lord we’re old…! So it’s not easy to change us ‘ole goats kan..thank goodness we have fairly patient husbands…! Anyways F, remember to call me when you make a visit to Munawarah and we make it a girl’s day out alrite..!

Me....jumpy..??

You know the man I married..the one I call SI..this morning he gently asked me “sayang, why are you so jumpy these days..” I didn’t take that remark too kindly but I didn’t fight it either and he left me to ponder over it.

Am I jumpy lately..? Hmm..maybe a little..” (yea,yea, to which my boys will probably go “ A LITTLE???” )Ok, ok, so maybe I have been just a tad egdy lately. I haven’t the faintest idea why though. Maybe it’s this terrible cold I’m having. That splitting headache that sometimes comes with it, sniffling and coughing away with that scratchy feeling down your throat..know that feeling..? Generally I feel quite contented with what life has to offer right now....and please, I am nowhere near menopausal laaa….Maybe it’s the fact that school holidays are here..and with the 3 boys who think it's perfectly alright to play ball in the house, I guess that justifies a certain degree of jumpiness….?

My kids are my joy, there is no denying the fact. But there are times the things they do drive you up the wall and make you lose your better sense of judgment. And then there is the father..the one I’d rather not go head-on against, the very same one that I have some issues with..and what’s the biggest bone of contention right now..why, puff the magic dragon of course..except in this case, puff is more like an ugly sinister monster that just won’t go away. That lighting up habit of his..the very same habit he managed to beat more than a decade ago, in the land where smokers were marginalized (and where smokers at gatherings were most likely Malaysian students..)..That exact habit he picked right up again within weeks after we reached Malaysian soil. Aaah…enuf said on that one. He knows how much the family detests it so I wish one day he’ll muster enough strength to finally stop. Although I must say his efforts of reducing doesn’t go unnoticed. For one, he now uses our bedroom toilet to pangsai because now he doesn’t need to light up before going!

And the kids – my precious boys..they have a knack of testing my patience just when I am having the most terrible day. Work is not always a joy so imagine having a bad day and then coming home to face parenting challenges..not fun at all.. you guys know that. And the recent episode involving my son’s first major setback in his life. Although as I had written in my last blog entry, no doubt a blessing in disguise, nonetheless it was certainly filled with its fair share of anxious moments for me. In the latest Jodi Picoult book I’m reading, I was so taken by this line..

Like it or not, you acquire a sixth sense when it comes to your children, viscerally feeling their joy, and frustration and the sharp blow to the heart when someone (or something) causes them pain.

All that, plus this awful cold...and he asks me why I'm jumpy...?

Thank goodness for the dim sum date with my girlfriends tomorrow....!! A sure antidote for jumpiness...

Post raya

It looks like it’s been awhile since I last blogged and I feel there is just soo much to write about…! It’s been relatively exciting these past couple of weeks..first it was raya and all..and then a round of “ping-ponging”, (if I may borrow from my sil)..of e-mails that were unnecessary – to say the least. And then there was my son and his first major disappointment in life..

Raya was good..with many happy moments and having lil Ben for awhile was also loads of fun. Raya open houses were generally tiring but fun to catch up with those you do not meet often. I must have over did it as far as the activities go though because now my throat feels terrible and I have been feeling feverish all morning.

Then there was mil’s birthday bash and we had a good time at the determined venue. The event was planned at the very last minute to be out of the ordinary this year due to some developments with the ole’ man, my dear fil. That, btw, was a TOTALLY unnecessary episode. Nope, not the birthday do – but rather the events that led to the birthday do. All I can say is, I pray to God neither me nor hubby will not turn out anything remotely close to that – merajuk tak tentu hala..

Ok..then there was that ping-pong-ing thingy. I have long realized that coming from the same womb is by no means an assurance that people think alike. As a matter of fact, I am all for “agreeing to disagree” but it is always the spirit that is questionable. The intention, and the approach, the perspective of the issues that can be so easily distorted….those are the things that irk me. Me- emotional..? I admit I can be so at times but in this particular case, emo was not it – I was just plain tired. Something so simple surely did not merit such overwhelming attention. I would have appreciated if the response came back in a “yes, but” manner rather than thrashing it and taking it totally out of context. Ni yang orang kata benda tak susah, tapi kita yang buat jadi susah. But then again, I have to respect how others feel so que sera sera je lah..

Meanwhile, our brief vacation was simply awesome..! We managed to have a great time on a very careful budget. I happen to see things this way - if we have to wait until we are totally debt free and have achieved absolute financial freedom before we can get away for a few days..I reckon it would have had to be a very long wait. Thus, the trip.

And just days after we got back, Arief got his results. It was disappointing and he was badly affected by it. I really felt for him but in all honesty, I feel it was a much needed jolt for Arief. My doa is he will learn a thing or two from this whole episode and turn this into a significant turning point in his life. As a mother, I wept with him and shared his sorrow but deep within me, I knew this was a blessing in disguise. I pray he will not let this setback deter him and will just pick himself up again and move on.

After all, sometimes we all need bitter lessons in life to appreciate life in itself. I should know, I think I have had my fair share of those.