You want to what..???

This is yet another blog entry that revolves around my recently turned 12 year old – Arief. Today was the final day of his UPSR exams and from what I observed he seemed well prepared for these last 2 papers. From the last minute revision that we did the whole of yesterday he did appear confident for these papers. I hope he will at least be able to ace these 2.

Anyway, today was hubby's turn to pick him up after the exams. My husband looked for Arief and later found him in a class where they were having a taklimat – for those who would like to go boarding school..! To go where..??? Now, that was something we have never really considered for Arief. Sure our oldest stays at an ‘asrama’ . Well, granted, his is a mere 15 mins away from where we live but it’s a full residential school nonetheless. And I admit, when Shaf wanted to go, (all this thanks to my dear grilfren who was the catalyst in suggesting I send my kids away…aargh..) I was less than thrilled. Maybe devastated is more apt to describe how I felt. As it turned out, Shaf hated it and things became unbearable those first few months. But by then even I was convinced he should stay and that the school will do him a lot more good than harm.

As for Arief, he never really indicated a desire to leave and certainly we’ve always thought he is better suited staying home and going to a nearby school. He tends to be the playful type and I’ve always thought I need to keep a close eye on him. And if I may be totally honest, my relationship with him before my firstborn left home was not the greatest. To quote my dear sister – among her two cents when I was feeling down about my firstborn leaving – “If Shaf duduk asrama, it’ll do you a lot of good to bond with Arief sis”, she said. She could not have been farther away from the truth. And now, just as I’m beginning to truly enjoy Arief’s company without being in the shadow of big brother, he wants to leave..???

I spoke to him over the phone today and asked for reasons of why he attended the taklimat. His answer simple . “ Saja. Ramai orang angkat tangan so Arief pun angkat la’. And when I pressed some more if he really wants to go, to my horror, he gave a firm yes..! And then he added, “Arief nak pergi yang balik berapa bulan sekali punye..” Goodness, my heart skipped a beat at that point. Was he just teasing me, I honestly haven’t got a clue.

Of course, everything depends on how he fares in the exams. And as always I pray that he does well. But now I have mixed feelings. I always say with or without him at home makes little difference because he’s not ‘loud’ like his big brother..but the fact remains, it just won’t be the same. And what will things be like for Haqim not having anyone at home besides the maid..?? What if Arief wants to leave because I am constantly breathing down his neck..? What if he’s fed-up of me being angry at him for not being serious with his school work..? What if he has a typical middle child syndrome and thinks I don’t love him as much as his 2 brothers.. ?

Ok, ok, maybe I’m getting just a tad carried away..and hubby will say I am being emotional…but hello…this is news to me…I just never thought he would even want to stay at a boarding school.. I just figured he lacks that mental discipline essential to survive in that kind of routine and rigid environment. Could I have thought wrong..?

You know that feeling when you have no idea what hit you, leaving you totally speechless.. ? That pretty much sums up how I’m feeling. Later he told me, “mama, rilex lah, lambat lagi..” That’s where you’re wrong dear, it always just seems “lambat lagi” , but before you know it, things you never expect, circumstances that you dread, and situations that previously seemed to merely loom across the horizon is right smack in front of you.

At that point, reality hits and then your life gets messed up for awhile…