of smoke and stone

Aahh, finally a window of time to write an entry..it’s been hardly a week but oh what an interesting few days it’s been. Everything happens for a reason, that’s what I believe. So, let me share with you what’s been going on.

I am writing from a hospital room..I am not in the hospital bed, but dear hubby is. Boxing day evening, while I was recovering from a splitting headache from earlier in the day, and just minutes after we returned home from work, hubby complained of a stomach ache. He spent a rather long time in the loo but that dint work. I thought it looked like a bad case of food poisoning but he said the pain was just unbearable. Finally, we headed for the 24-hr clinic. He took a turn for the worse in the car and so we ended up at the A&E at the nearest hospital. Food poisoning - the doctor said. But he was warded anyway because his blood cell count indicated an infection. Suffice to say, my headache evaporated with all that excitement.

The next morning, the specialist ordered an ultrasound scan because by then it was looking like a kidney stone problem. The scan showed no stones but his kidney was flared. So a CT scan followed after which they confirmed the kidney stone suspicion. Fast forward to today, the procedure is over with and here he sits feeling utter discomfort, and let’s just say as far as looks go, it is totally scary, ok…and even that is an understatement.

This episode, however, gave my dearest significant other a rare glimpse into what it feels like to be a childbearing woman..Well, the excruciating pain he felt would have been the closest he would ever come to labor pains, plus he had a spinal anesthesia done-not unlike an epidural although I’ve never had one of those during any of the 3 childbirths I went through, now he has to bear with the pain and discomfort of a catheter – an awful burning pain which I had to endure after the birth of my firstborn, and believe it or not he also gets to feel a similar situation to an IUD, details of that I shall withhold lah.

God works in mysterious ways yada yada yada, you all have heard of that right. Hubby smokes, and although he stopped for a good three years while we were away in the States, he picked it right up again when we came home for good. So with him in this hospital bed, feeling pretty awful and saying things like “God, knowing what I know now, I would tell people, please lah take care of yourself. And God knows how many he said said "siksanya" since his admission the ther night. And so going by that I further push for what I’ve always wanted – for him to STOP.

At this time of writing, there is an extremely interesting conversation going on. The fatherly man in the next bed, he is advising hubby to just drop the habit. This gentleman is saying all kinds of things that make me want to hug the man…! Serious….! In not so many words he is saying to hubby, wake up young man…do it for your kids..! How can you defend yourself in front of your kids if you can’t do this. The doc gave hubby a good dose of “you want to smoke or you want to be healthy” talk this morning too – to the good doctor, smoking is clearly haram.

So there you go, maybe this is God’s answers to my prayers. Maybe this will get me one step closer to fulfilling that wish to have him become an ex-smoker, yet again. So, am I concerned about his kidney stone – of course..! Do I empathize with his pain and that terrible discomfort he’s going through – without a doubt. But am I glad this happened..you bet I am. Now it’s a matter of making sure nothing weakens his resolve.

CINTA - the movie this time..

Have you guys watched the movie Cinta yet? Ok, for the record I am not a sucker for Malay movies, and apart from P.Ramlee comedies, the only Malay movies I thoroughly enjoy are Yasmin Ahmad’s and Afdlin Shauki’s. But all that media hype on Cinta just blew me away..and admittedly because of Rahim Razali and the like, I was quite quite curious.

So, a few days after it opened in cinemas, off we went. My verdict? Well, for a Malay movie, it was very enjoyable although admittedly some lines were too sappy and cliché. But on the whole the dialog was really good, great acting and loads of emotional scenes. So yes, I cried..

The media promoted it as “10 Bintang, 5 Kisah Cinta, 1 Cerita.” And it provokes you further by saying, yang mana kisah anda, or something like that lah. Hmm…I think I most certainly related to the love story between the married couple, played by Rashidi Ishak and Rita Rudaini. (I tak pernah tau sapa this lady before this, but she is not bad..).

Just a little gist, they were teenage sweethearts, she’s known him since she was 18, I think. To him, she had always been the one, and he had consistently pursued her and wooed her with sweet nothings, lovely sketches and poetic words. For her, he was just there, and with all that attention, she had simply gone with the flow and never bothered to fight it. After marriage and a kid later, she slowly realized it takes more than mere affection to stay together. Indeed, it takes something a lot deeper, it takes true love..

The way I saw it - sekadar perasan kasih sayang belum cukup menjanjikan kebahagiaan, belum pasti menjamin keindahan nan abadi.

So, in essence, that was what happened. She did not stop loving him, but she came to the realization that she needed to be in love to stay with him. He was a loving husband, a doting dad, but their love was just not meant to be. And oh how I cried, the night before she moved out, the quiet moments he spent with his little girl..and the broken man he became after she left.

Why I related to that one? I don’t know..maybe because I felt so close to walking away, like she did. And maybe because I thank God, I did not…

bukan mudah membina rasa
bukan mudah mencorak kasih
bukan mudah mencari cinta
kata kata mungkin membuai perasaan..
belaian dan sentuhan mungkin
menjadi igauan..

namun hakikatnya, cinta itu datang jua,
terlalu indah
bila ia menyapa…dan terus disuburkan
dengan seribu kenangan
walau luka dan airmata
sering menyinggah
walau peritnya pengorbanan
tapi cukup
mengajar erti tanggungjawab
erti perkongsian

bilamana rasa itu tanpa sangsi
bilamana kasih kukuh bertaut
bilamana cinta bukan lagi mimpi
kebahagiaan paling manis
pasti…


‘nuff said. As for the rest of the movie..go watch lah..

Episod Cinta

EPISOD CINTA

Pertemuan kau dan aku malam itu
Sungguh tak kuduga sayang
Bagaimana hati ini sering saja
Gelisah sepanjang masa
Bila kupandang wajahmu
Hatiku berdebar bagai guruh
Yang menerjang didalam dada
Mencengkam
Bersamamu kini setelah
Segalanya kukatakan
Cintaku dan kasihku hanya dirimu
Senyumanmu sayang kau beri
Bersama belaian yang mesra
Itulah mulanya cinta kita…
-Flybaits-

Am I sounding corny..? Well, that’s one of the first “our song” for me and hubby. And why the mushi-ness you ask? Well, yesterday, 14 December 2006 marked exactly 21 years since he and I first met each other. Yes, you read that right..21 years..! I AM old huh?! Ye-lah, what do you expect, we met when I was 17 and he was 20. Dec 14, that date is something we’ve always acknowledged and celebrated - at times even more so that our wedding anniv because on that fateful night, both our lives changed forever.

The friends who were responsible for introducing us are still in our lives but they are not privy to my blog. And for those of you who do read this and don’t know the history, why don’t I bore you beginning right about now….he he..

I knew him only as the brother of so and so, who was a guy going out with somebody who was a friend of a friend. Are you still with me..?? ok, who cares, this is my blog, I write lah what I want kan, so long as I don’t ruffle any political or religious feathers, right or not..?

Anyway, let’s cut it lah. There was this new year dance at the club and me and a few frens were planning to go. This friend was also planning to invite a few of her other friends who had just returned from umrah the nite before. (of all things..balik umrah, pergi new year dance.,tak tau le) I went to the dance with a guy friend, whom to me was just a friend but me to him…that one never mind lah, different story.. eh, are you people bored yet?

So, then we met, at the steps of the club entrance. No sparks yet, but the nite got interesting and to put it plainly, I pretty much left the dance with him, the other guy must have been less than thrilled…thank goodness they are also friends, went to asrama together and all. It’s just me and him yang tak pernah jumpa dan tak pernah kenal.

We all went out together after the dance, but somehow there was something there, you know la. Anyway, I spent the nite at my girlfren’s place and so did he and the rest of the gang so we kinda spent the rest of the evening together lah. Eh, but don’t la let your imagination run wild ok..! Anyway, he was different and for the record I must say he was more smittened than I was..ha ha…..!! He began calling, and sending me these mushy cards, eh, hello, 21 years ago where got sms all…still good ole Hallmark ok..!

Then a week or so later I was going on this train trip with my family to Penang. And the nite before we spent hours on the phone. By his birthday in January things got cold because I realized there was kinda another ‘party’ so I backed off. He wooed me again come Valentine’s Day and showed up at a birthday bash I had that April. After that he pretty much made sure my mom warmed up to him and despite a period of me saying no,no, no and even me having a brief something else with someone else, he kept on pushing.

As a matter of fact, I just couldn’t seem to shake him away.

He’s different. A lot of our values were almost worlds apart, he was just not my kind I said. But the chemistry was too strong and his persistence was not easy to resist. Deep within me I knew the differences were going to make things difficult but he just kept on pursuing and pursuing. True enough, years later those different sets of values threatened what we had built and many a times I wanted to run, sometimes almost literally.

But by the Grace of God, we persevered, and now as we look back, although for awhile the ride was awfully bumpy, in the end doa and love conquered all. Mom used to say getting married is easy, staying married, now that’s the tricky part.

Tonite we went to a spontaneous dinner and had a good time, after which I was totally surprised when a lady walked up to me with a small bouquet of roses..he had signed the card, “To my sayang, Happy 21^st Fourteen.. love, boyfriend…”

So friends, if you’re still with me, now you can understand why the mushi-ness… aahhh…love is bliss..

Once upon a Friday

There are bad days and there are really baaad days... Well, last week I had a close encounter of such a day..

What started off as a promising Friday ended up with quite a bang- or jump rather. More on that later though. First I went to work that Friday after having been on leave for several days and my agitated superior had loads of paperwork that needed to be cleared of her desk. And due to an oversight on moi’s part on a portion of the work, she was less than thrilled. Ok, fine, I rectify that immediately. Of course my desk was piled up with files up to my nose, thanks to my then very pregnant colleague, - who has since given birth.

Then amidst more than a dozen calls that I had to make that day, I got to know from my son of certain remarks that were uttered which I felt were totally uncalled for. Who they were from, tak payah sebut-lah. Who was it though who told me I should not be blogging about that person…? Aarrrghhh….But now it just reinforces what I’ve known, that the feeling is mutual…wonderful! Frankly, I don’t give a hoot, but what bothers me is how it affects my boys.

So, past 8pm I decided I have had enough of work and nonsense, I headed for home. My husband was supposed to pick me up and voila, he could not start the car..no, no, he could not even get the car door to open, the remote was absolutely non-functioning..!! Great, just what I need…A quick call to the Toyota emergency told him he needed to get the spare remote..at home. Luckily a friend of his volunteered to do just that while my husband stayed on to finish up some work, and yours truly chose to take the train to his office rather than hang around at mine. All this trouble from a car that was less than a month old!

Sometime later the friend returned with the remote and yup, you guessed it – it wasn’t the remote after all….yea, yea, later we discovered the battery was flat, and yes, hubby dearest had left the lights on from the time he came back after Friday prayers…what a wonderful surprise..! It took another hour for the Toyota guys to come jumpstart the car..finally, an end to my car woes for the evening! Hubby of course used the time to complete that urgent presentation he had to work on irregardless, and me, well, thank goodness for my Readers Digest..and a pen and paper to write this entry.

By the time we got home it was past 1am and after a short dialogue with hubby on that nonsensical remark which I was told about earlier in the day, I finally had enough. I agreed with him - on certain occasions, when people think the worst of you, you might as well just play along, That way there is little expectation from your end, plus you have all the excuse to keep a distance. Ah, now that, I can live with...Am I sounding cynical? Well, maybe just a little but what does it matter?? I’d rather worry about my new car and making sure I never leave the lights on.